You Don't Know Anything

The funniest on-line game I've seen in quite a while is one that's one of my old favorites. Way back in the day there was this trivia game that wasn't actually completely on the level. The questions where a bit weird, and slightly far-fetched, but always made sense. The pace was frenetic, and it was great fun with two or three friends around, just like in a game show.

In fact, it was a game show.

And now it's back. You Don't Know Jack is back weekly with new shows, new trivia questions and more fun! It's easy to get the hang of it, although most of the questions are U.S. centric and you have to be up-to-date on American pop culture if you wanna get the high scores.

Idols

Must be wonderful having someone to idolize, someone to look up to. You always have a goal, a wish, something to want. Someone that blinds you, cannot do anything wrong in your book. In fact his or her signature in your book will actually mean something for you. (When in fact most of us put down our signatures daily at least five times, and it doesn't sell better on E-bay one bit.)

Could be a movie star, that you've fallen in love in. It could be an author whose stories or poetry you admire, an athlete whose performance sent you in raptures (strangely enough, win or lose), a scholar whose theories speak to you, an religious figure that you believe in. It could even be mom or dad.

What if you didn't have all that? You'd be unimpressed by pretty much everyone around you. That could be easily mistaken for arrogance, although that wouldn't be the case per se. There are just no qualities in anybody else that justify you idolizing them more than the next person. You'd also have to be self-motivated, because pretty much no one else would be able to. No one else in this case would be able to set goals or examples for you.

With global mass media the exposure to people whom you could potentially idolize has grown exponentially. You get to see them from much farther away, as we get live TV feeds from the Pacific, the southern-most tip of Latin America or the deep Arctic. The range of people is also bigger, because we have local news that covers only what dogs a family in Lutjebroek, Pennsylvania keeps, and specialized news that covers South-Eastern Asia. There's talent and reality TV shows for god knows why (Idols, Who wants to marry..., MTV Made etc.).

So all in all everyone of us has a huge number of people to select an idol from, with performances that are - by nature of numbers - growing more insignificant.

Don't blame me for not being easily impressed. Blame television.

They actually did it

Wow... simply tragic. As if the death of Pakistan's national cricket team's coach Bob Woolmer wasn't already sad enough, now the officials have come forward and declared that the guy was actually strangled.

Strangled.

Somebody actually took the time to choke out every last breath of air in his body. That's just pure hatred. What did this South African dude do, to deserve this? I'd imagine he stole large amounts of stock and bonds, gambled away lot's of somebody else's money, or insulted someone's mother.

Don't Call Us, We Call You

Funniest line read today (paraphrased): the ABN AMRO board of directors and strategic braintrust are in closed door meeting to discuss next steps, possibly even a merger with Barclays. They sent out a memo to the second echelon of management: "You are in charge now."

As in: "Don't even try to contact us right now."

When you least expect it

I'm a supporter of the movement that says everything, every event, every person is connected. Things happen, because things happened before and things are supposed to happen (if you think that's cryptic, try me when I've been awake for 33 hours straight)...

Anyway, this comes back to me for example getting phone calls. Lately I've been getting them when I'm in the car (so I can't pick up), in the bathroom (so I can't pick up), sleeping (I don't wanna pick up), when I'm on a date (I don't wanna pick up), or in a meeting (I can't pick up) and the list goes on...

I'm going to need a personal secretary for this very soon. At least then I can get calls when I expect them to.

Travel Note #4

I'm pretty sure these regulations for fluids on airplanes is only helping retailers. If you can't take a bottle of Spa along in the plane, you're forced to get one at your destination... at tourist prices.

What's next? You can't take your clothes on the plane anymore? That would be... interesting.

Travel Note #3

Whenever two consultants meet for the first time, they will try to size each other up. It's a bit like two dogs sniffing each others crotch to determine who is the Alpha, and who is the submissive.

Usually this means consultants introduce themselves by career level, tenure, engagements they've been in, people they know and so on.

A conversation would go something like this:
Consultant A: Hello, I am So-and-So.
Consultant B: Nice to meet you, So-and-so. My name is John. John Doe. (with the undertone: why don't you know me in the first place man?) What are you doing?
A: I am currently senior manager for a multi-million dollar Random company. I lead the team that covers operations for half of the continent.
B: Is that right? I am department head of anotherRandomCompany.com, our recently started joint venture. I work with BigWig A, BigWig B, and report to Hugo G. Partner.
A: Wow, nice. Ehm... hey, you know what? I'm gonna talk to someone who looks smaller than me.

Travel Note #2

So, we were advertised a travel time of about one hour from the airport to the hotel. We just needed to book a cab. That proved to be quite difficult in itself, but eventually we got one, with a young woman behind the wheel... who was a month into her job.

Because of the distance between airport and hotel, we negotiated a price, about fifty bucks. She got in the car... and about an hour later we were still driving around. The SATNAV was not doing much: it couldn't find the street name.

We didn't really mind though... we were not in any hurry. But slowly we could sense the taxi driver getting frustrated and starting to despair. Eventually she stopped driving and just gave up.

Luckily the people on the street were quite helpful. One even jogged into his home and came up with a nice Google map with directions. That even did the trick.

We felt sorry for the young woman. She was so distraught at the end of the ride, that she basically told us that the ride was for free. That was not an option for us, so we paid everything plus some tip.

So the moral of the story? Women can really mess with men's minds. Even unintended.

Travel Note #1

My most uncanny ability is probably the one where I - more than average - get singled out for "routine checks" at airport customs. I understand, I usually travel alone, I pack lightly, and I speak muffled when I've had a 10 hour flight, and I'm from the Netherlands (So There Must Be Something In His Suitcase); a customs officer will have found enough suspicious things sizing me up to take me in.

All I can say is, BRING IT ON. I got nothing to declare.

Also, it's probably not a good idea to have me bring stuff over. You're better off giving it to someone who's more... average looking, and doesn't attract as much attention.

Or until I'm travelling with someone.

I hate my trip computer

Having a trip computer in my car is something of a new thing for me... and it's pissing me off. Mostly because I am now forced to face the cold, hard truth about my driving... it's just not very nice.

According to the car maker's manual, my Golf is supposed to drive 6.4 l/100 km in general use (mixed freeway, inner city driving), or 15 km to 1. I drive on average (after about a month of relatively incident free driving), 7.4 l/100 km, or 15 percent less efficient than the car could potentially drive.

However I must say that my Golf can only make 6.4 in case:

• there's little traffic (try that on a normal working day)
  
• average speed is about 10 km/h less than the legal speed limit
• you pull up really slowly (as in geriatric mode) from traffic lights
  

Coupled with two inner city speed traps, this makes the most disconcerting month of car driving I've had in some time.

Oh well, at least the radio is still intact.

Conflicting interests

Strange thing this... consultants are hired help. That's true. Companies take in outsiders to help them do a job, complete a project or help them (consulting them) with a conundrum.

Consultants however (especially the ones at my employer) are quite young, often hideously ambitious, and extremely quick to move. That means that whomever takes on anyone of us, should not be looking to keep us long-term. And yet that's exactly what clients expect (especially if you're really good).

In the current market a consultant is really a commodity with a high turnover rate. Consulting companies are falling over themselves to gain headcount, but at the same time just as many consultants are dropping out and moving away. If any consultant thinks he's not appreciated, or he's bored, or he's stuck in a rut for too long, he straight-up leaves.

This leaves a client in trouble. A client would desperately like to keep good people, even if they are outsiders. The client could offer them a lot of things, maybe even the same things as they would to their own employees, but realistically speaking that is not their duty. It is the duty of the consulting firm to keep employees happy. The consulting firm however has little control in this. They are too far away, and it's one thing to sell services to a client, it's an entire other thing to tell them how to treat your people. But the firm has to do something, anything, lest their employees leave in droves.

So we have a conflicting interests here: a client whose needs are best met by people serving them long-term; consultants whose needs are met by having exciting jobs; consulting companies who see that making jobs exciting involves moving people around at high speed. And then having to make a client unhappy and frustrated, because you're pulling away people, experience, knowledge.

I'm somehow transported back to the monologue Jack Nicholson gave at the end of A Few Good Men:

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Taxes

I don't get taxes.

• I don't get why it's supposed to be due in April
• I don't get why my tax returns are exactly the same as my deficits two years ago
• I don't get why for each individual source of income arbitrarily a tax percentage was created

And it takes so bloody much time.

But then again, everybody has to do it, apart from the queen.

The Unnatural Profession

Consultants would usually be involved in engagements with only a limited timespan. After a while a consultant would leave, and everybody knows about that. It is quite an unnatural way of working, because the very livelihood of man is to make your mark, build relationships, and become skilled. Moving around has not been the traditional way of doing this, although technology has helped somewhat in this department.

Also it is the nature of man to grieve at goodbyes. Airports are full of crying mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, girlfriends, boyfriends who have to part with family and friends. The very nature of consultancy however reduces an emotional moment into a rather bland afterthought.

All I'm saying is that consultancy is an unnatural profession. I'm sure consultants play a good role nowadays as experts, or specialists or professional help. But in the grand scheme of things none of the characteristics a good consultant has, fulfill the relationship needs of a human being. By definition a consultant is temporary. By definition a consultant will leave.

Of course, you can always get a consultant back.

Sometimes I amaze even myself

Truth and objectivity are often confused. What people believe to be true is not always based on fact. Sometimes what people believe to be true is simply based on what they themselves believe to be true. That is called faith.

Reason is faith hidden behind a sliver of objectivity.