Ah nostalgia... it's that beautiful feeling that allows you to recognize a mistake, when you make it again. I got spoonfuls of this watching M.A.S.K. again, now available on a four-DVD set.
MASK for those who were wise enough to forget about this show, is about a special task force led by the enigmatic Matt Trakker, who battle a band of criminals called Venom. The people in the task force wear hi-tech masks, which can perform a variety of functions. One shoots lasers, another makes holograms, yet another allows the wearer to fly.
The 20-minute show itself is rather formulaic. The first act usually sets up the day's episode, with some freak occurrence or some mystery to be explained. The second act reveals what everybody in the audience already knows... that Venom is behind the problems, and that MASK must be called in to save the day. Matt Trakker then always contacts his supercomputer at home to select the "best agents suited for this mission".
Venom and MASK then have a confrontation in the third act, which usually ends unresolved because "SFI" manages to get himself into trouble again (I'll get to him later). In the fourth act MASK works out what to do to get rid of Venom once and for all, and in the fifth Matt and his band of cronies finally win the day. The episode usually ends with a lame joke, and a PSA (because the US networks will not show a cartoon without it).
Now, watching this show again, it is hard to see what's to like about MASK. I already spoke of the agent selection process, which is insipid. In the first couple of episodes big boy Matt brings in everyone (which makes the process overly long and unnecessary), including hick boy Dusty Hayes, token black dude Hondo McLean (Hondo?? Really??), the aforementioned Japanese inventor Bruce Sato, champion race driver/martial arts expert Gloria Baker (can you do that!?), and rock star Brad Turner. In later episodes the selection process is more curtailed and only a few people are actually picked, even though it is never really apparent why the agents were selected; a random selector would achieve the same effect, and the computer nearly always chooses Bruce Sato to come along. And why is everybody always called away when they are doing something else? Like driving a racecar, or teaching a class, or baking a pizza?
Then there's SFI, otherwise known as Scott Trakker, Matt's son. I call him SFI, because he really is a Stupid Freak'n Idiot. He is probably the most annoying bitch in the history of cartoons. He always whines about wanting to come along with his dad, and he always has some delusions about winning the day. (Okay, considering nobody ever gets killed in this show, even to an exploding car, I can understand why SFI is acting like he does.) SFI is a bloody smartass, hugely obnoxious, skinny as a stick, and once he gets into trouble he always cries out for his dad... like a whiny bitch. Maybe he would behave a little better if he got some corporal punishment once in a while, but all he gets from his dad is a pat on the head... after he caused an accident which nearly KILLED HALF of the MASK team?!
Matt Trakker should be flipping arrested for taking his son along on EVERY SINGLE MISSION. He is probably the most irresponsible parent in the history of parenting. My friends tend to bring their children to a nanny everytime they go out to dinner. And you can't tell me Matt doesn't have cash to hire one. The guy lives in a freakin' mansion and has his own personal army! (At this point I should point out that Matt has no wife, and thus SFI has no mother. I guess it is not nice to be the mother of a S.O.B., and they couldn't cast anyone to fill the role).
According to MASK lore Matt Trakker is not actually SFI's father. (I mean, c'mon. Matt is He-man blonde, SFI has this red-brownish brunette hairdo) My theory is that Scott is actually Dusty Hayes' boy, and Dusty is too hick to take care of SFI. It also explains the apparent lack of morals, self-preservation, and general intelligence in SFI.
And for some reason Matt is always surprised to find out that Venom is behind the episode's problems. I mean, you gotta get a clue after twelve episodes, man. Don't get me started on Venom by the way, which has Clueless, Hapless, Arrogant and Easy on the same team. Quite how they manage to get up from bed without tripping over themselves is beyond my comprehension.
There is something to like about MASK though. MASK has a wicked themesong and an even better battle sequence theme, which really gets the adrenaline pumping. The MASKs themselves are funny as hell. Bruce's Lifter is quite useful. He can lift objects from small cars and boxes to huge jumbo jets and mountains. Buddy Hawks has Penetrator, which allows him to phase through walls, solid rock etc. Of course Matt couldn't be head honcho, if he didn't have the most pimped out MASK of them all. Spectrum allows Matt to fly, fire lasers, analyze radio frequencies, phone headquarters, and see through Gloria's blouse.
And of course the stars of the show are the vehicles. Who didn't dream way back in the early days to have a car that can turn into a plane, a motor cycle that turns into a helicopter, an SUV that turns into a tank? I wish the cartoon's writers would pay attention and let the vehicles speak for themselves. Like the Transformers movie, they should not have made people the focus of their stories.
Except for Bruce Sato. His fruity expressions/one-liners every episode crack me up. They also always seem to confuse his team mates, which is more than they deserve.
Ah nostalgia... now I remember why I side with the movie studios nowadays.
No comments:
Post a Comment