Springing Big News

Some people just want all the attention. You know the year is about to close and you think everything is calm and ramping up for the new year... and then there's these guys who just have to butt in and take some of the thunder. This year it's Saddam, who just manages to squeak by with a televised execution at the close of year.

Bad thing is, I don't think Saddam's execution has much of an impact anymore. I'm sure victims' families during his regime are celebrating now. But the fighting, the war still continues; the suffering does not end. In fact, it just pisses some people off more.

Don't you just hate people who always need to have the last word?

Lessons Learned Today

• Black Russians and Long Island Ice Tea are good... except when you haven't had dinner
• "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever"
• People never look their age; that can be good, can be bad...
• Nerds can be babes
• All IT administrator departments are the same
• Babes can be nerds...
• ...really, they can
  
• The Truth is Closer than You think...
• ...so why don't you turn to some spirituality for a change
  

Reviews and Resolutions

This year I've been able to do everything I set out to do at the end of last year. I got elected (twice), got promoted, and got my home in order. The respect and attention are rising (although people still find it extremely hard to spell my first name correctly), the attraction and interest is growing (from people I would not have expected).

Of course there were setbacks, from all the garbage I had to put up with (literally), to the nervousness I endured about new job offers and late furniture orders. And of course that stretch goal of meeting that very, very special someone...

Now for the coming year we're going for:

• new wheels!
• higher returns-on-investment in love, life and liberty
  
• leadership role in the workplace
• more pictorials on my camera phone!
• cooking a three-course meal
  
• dancing salsa
  
• speaking rudimentary (but understandable) Japanese, French, Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, Chinese and Turkish
  
• a clean sweep in my Heart-Head-Gut predictions!
  

Importance

The things people find important can be found in the traditions they keep, the rituals they hold. I myself have a couple, such as celebrating my birthday every other year with a huge dinner... You probably would also stay with your family during Christmas... My father prays every day after getting up and just before going to sleep... Our team has this Friday-night drinking binge where we just forget about the week and start our weekends as they should... entire droves of Americans gather round the television to see a football game during Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve... These are all examples of institutions, traditions, and rituals that people tend to keep. Every single one valuable, albeit for different purposes.

Traditions gain strength the longer the period during which they are retained. Sometimes even so much that we forget the original purpose behind a tradition, and raise the tradition itself to importance. That seems to be recurring issue in religion, anthropology, but also politics.

I do think that whatever I find very important I should institutionalize, turn in to a tradition or a ritual. I just have to make sure that I don't forget what I did it for in the first place.

Region Free

Why do I - if I happen to have other interests than my fellow countrymen - be subject to higher costs, more trouble and generally more nuisance if I want to watch a DVD from the States on a Dutch DVD player?

Why should I be limited to the market in the European Community, while the stuff that I like is from across the Atlantic?

Seriously, whoever came up with the bright idea of region-protected DVDs deserves to get his tires slashed.

Things nobody wants to know about 2006

Music
Band du jour: The Feeling (with two nice top-class singles spanning the last 12 months ['Sewn' and 'Fill my little world'] this band has finally hit the limelight. Inoffensive, unlike Coldplay; Underplayed, unlike Keane; and Truly Engaging, unlike U2)

Honorable mention: Sandi Thom - Smile, It Confuses People

Games
Videogame I played most this year: Warhammer 40K: Dawn Of War: Dark Crusade (and only because I got tired of simulating yet another NBA Live season)

Honorable mention: Does The Sims count if you only use it to model your house?

Sports
Most tragic sports moment: 2006 Lakeside final, Jelle Klaassen beats four-time winner Raymond van Barneveld (Barney gets booed off the stage, tail between legs. His coup to tie former five-time winner Eric Bristow at the Lakeside failed miserably; Jelle runs off to smooch with his girlfriend... who just so happens not to be his girlfriend anymore six months later)

Honorable mention: Andre Agassi saying goodbye at the US Open (would have won the award, if I didn't think the crying was a little bit over the top)
Honorable mention 2: Zidane. I don't need to say more I think.

Movies
Picture I most wanted to see, but didn't: Clerks 2 (supposedly Kevin Smith's worst outing, but I have yet to pass judgement)

Honorable mention: Cars; X-Men 3; Da Vinci Code (Bought them all on DVD)

Television
Stay-at-home-for-this: Bones (Dr. Brennan is strangely, naively hot; and the show kicks ass in every corner of the globe)

Honorable mention: House MD (Got the entire first and second season on DVD already, so don't need to stay at home)

Finally, some memorable quotes I heard this year (thanks, to all sources, notably Gerard):

• "When Jezus died, it took him 3 days to respawn... NOW THATS WHAT I CALL LAG!!!" (someone who plays first-person shooters)
  
• "The day that a child realises that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent, the day he forgives them he becomes a man"
• 'I thought you didn't hold a grudge'
  'I don't. I have no surviving enemies.'
  (Delinquent Habits - Everyday)
• Nothing is as equally distributed as common sense; everybody thinks he's got plenty.
• {makes sense only in Dutch} Het is niet toevallig dat beleid en debiel uit dezelfde letters bestaan.
• {makes sense only in Dutch} De vraag des levens is: Gaan we Door of Slaan we Af. Maar voor de meeste mensen is het: Slaan we Door of Gaan we Af.
  

Things I've noticed in 2006

Apart from all the things I've learned in 2006, there are also some news snippets that I happened to come across this year that were either unsettling, noteworthy, funny or simply strange.

• Jerry Stackhouse fouls Shaquille O'Neal into the stands during Game 4 of the 2006 NBA Finals... and not just by any small amount either... funny thing is, Shaq is 7' 1", 325 pounds; Jerry is 6' 6", 218. And yet Stackhouse - a full seven foot smaller and over 100 pounds lighter - manages to knock Shaq into the second ring. Even funnier: 6' 4", 212 Dwyane Wade manages to stop O'Neal from going after Stackhouse.
• And that means I have to note this year's best known sports hit, Zidane-Materazzi at the World Cup Final. I've already mentioned the brilliance of Zidane's actions, but HOW HARD was that head butt in the first place!
• On a sadder note: Tamara Wolfers managed to get the city square completely filled to the brim... after getting killed in her home this past summer. The thing I have trouble with, is that the person or the people who killed her in the first place, are probably ruthless enough to not let anyone know about it. What's the point of asking then?
• Less serious, but still tragic: the Bos en Lommer complex where people got forced out of their newly minted apartments because the floor cracked... Of course I have a lot of recognition with my own situation this year, and I found out one of my old classmates was actually being interviewed on television!

Next time, let's talk about the cool awards for this year!

Things I've learned in 2006

• It's rather hard to give sincere compliments; it's possibly even harder to give sincere compliments that are in fact negative. And yet there's one that works about 90 percent of the time: insecurity. If you tell some girl she's insecure, she's not gonna slap you upside the head. She's not gonna yell at you, call you names. However, she will feel empowered because (finally) someone else noticed a trait in her that she values greatly.
• I used to think my most important motivation in life was to be right all the time. Win all negotiations, win every discussion, always be the (moral) victor; Although it is still an important motivation, there's one that trumps it: getting asked. I don't need to be right all the time, but I value greatly that everyone comes to me first for everything. That's why I put myself upfront for the owners' association, and the works council, and proposals at work, and giving training and so on and so on. And sometimes this snowballs and consumes me whole.
  
• I am completely unwilling to take a risk to be truly and completely happy in love. Several different opportunities presented themselves in which clearly one more step from me could seal the deal. And every single time I choose to back away instead. Now if I just keep doing that, it ceases being bad luck, and just becomes symptomatic. I choose to be unhappy, because otherwise, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Nope, it's not a unique feeling I'm sure, but it is one that can only be felt and carried within.
  
• I learned people from my past apparently think I'm worth looking up, even after an extremely long amount of time. I didn't learn however why exactly. Given my newly found most important motivation, I am extremely honoured by it, but understand it I don't. I mean, have you seen me back then?
• Pro-action is a misunderstood concept; there's only this trait that allows you to remember everything and prepare for everything well ahead of time. It is being careful and disciplined. You react to gaps and issues, and that's not pro-action, it is a re-action. Except in this case the action is taken before the issue, instead of after. The concept pro-action people speak of and value highly should not be called like that. It should be entrepreneurship.
  
• People think and feel as they do, because they do. Your success in society depends greatly on if you can convince many or if you can convince key people to match your thinking and/or feelings. And you have to. If you just sit still and hope everyone will eventually make the world as it should be ideally, then you can wait for a bloody long time. Just like pro wrestling, you need to sell it to pop the crowd.
• I don't have a problem with my salary. I do however have a problem with what I am able to do with it. I perceive that given my environment, experience, track record, skills, attitude, strength, education etc. I should be able to go out every week, fly out for a vacation twice a year, buy and maintain an appartment, buy reasonably nice stuff, get proper health care, drive a nice car and so on. I should be trusted to be able to do so, but society doesn't, so I have to cave a little: no nice car, no second vacation. The solution is simple: Either my salary goes up, or the prices overall go down.
• The Flop, The Turn, The River
• Italian, Japanese, Portuguese and French
• No matter how well I prepare presentations or sales pitches, it becomes completely irrelevant to how I feel during the actual pitch. If the body gives out, the body gives out. Nothing I can do about it.
  

The Yearly Recurring Question

Every Christmas we keep asking ourselves the same dumb questions:

• do we send Christmas cards
  
• who do we send it to

One year you lean one way and send out sixty, the next year you can't be bothered.

Next you have to sift through the address book and see who deserves one from you, because in your mind, getting a Christmas card from you is a great, great honour. Unfortunately it only takes one ill-advised and unwanted card from someone you don't really know very well (or even like), and the whole plan goes down the gutter... because it's Christmas, and you are a nice person (you are, trust me) you feel obliged to reply with another card...

The head hurts with so many tough issues...

But anyway... My apologies to JP, WO, Marieke, Nina, Iv, Frank, Faab, Patrick, Rolf, OJ, Marco, Wan, Wendy, Chantal, Frans, Elger, Eef, Peet, Miel, Natalie, Aiwen, Patje, Marion, PL, Marijke, Rogier, Nathalie, Willy, Nina, Mart, Pam, Erik, Iwein, Marte, Kee, Tina, Janneke, JC, Chiel, Rahul, Yuri, Maaike, Rob, Alex, Pa, Ma, Roel, Chieltje, Nelis, Patriek, Aad, Fabian, Thomas, Susan, Jeroen, Diana, Joepie, JF, Esther, Lala, Maart, Ed, San, Daniele, Jetze, Wen, Jeroentje, Roepie, Ronald, Mark, Jacq, Marvin, Becky, Rein, Maria, Lizzy, Sander, Gerard, Marc, Wim, Naat, Emiel, Miran, G-Brand, Tamara, Bartje, Marleen, Josine, Onno, Otis, Edwin and the rest of the family. All your getting from me this year, is eternal free publicity on this page. (Hurrah!)

Happy Holidays to all!

Immediately flip the channel if I hear these songs this month

Where are the original christmas songs? Every single year you keep hearing the same stuff over and over and over again. It's not like there isn't plenty of other good (better) stuff around than

• All I Want for Christmas (is for you to shut up) - Mariah Carey
  
• I will always love you (oh please) - Whitney Houston
• Last Christmas - WHAM! (Oh come on, it's frickin' George Michael for godsakes)
  
• My Heart Will Go On (just sink the boat already) - Celine Dion
• Don't they know (the entire western world must celebrate christmas, and you starving saps must enjoy it too, if it's the last thing you do) - Band Aid
  

Of course, I will also switch off if I hear anything by Beyonce, Keane, Coldplay or U2, but that's just a matter of principle.

Persistence is Futile

Human nature when it really comes down to it, is not so hard to understand. In its purest form we are all cavemen trying to make sure we have plenty of meat when we're hungry, enough mammoth wool when we're cold, and enough escape routes when a troupe of sabertooth tigers comes down our alley.

In the modern age we did however frick it up big time, with religion, race, love, power, drugs, economy, wealth, fear, and science making things endlessly more complicated.

It all comes from the same motivation. Human nature is to survive in the broadest sense of the word. We procreate to have our genes dispersed and evolve when we ourselves cannot. We leave lasting legacies of our work in this land (a skyscraper, a wood carving, a book, a piece of music) so that generations of people can enjoy it. We provide - by the very actions we take - inspiration and new experiences for others to have. Maybe survival is not really the right word. Persistence is better. Human nature is to persist. Everything we do is about making our mark in the world, regardless of our lifespan.

You could say nothing in our lives can persist forever. If you are an astronomist adhering to the Big Bang/Crunch theory, eventually all of existence will eventually vanish. Even if you're not, you could still be sensitive to the Sun either swallowing the Earth whole or taking the planet out with a huge snuff. So in that sense, what's the use?

Persistence is futile, the Borg would say.

Or you could go my way, which is this. While our lives are irrevocably driven by the passage of time, each moment stands on its own. Maybe some form of existence is allowed to see the universe without regard of time, and experience only individual moments. I strive to have each moment make me look good. I don't need to do or to act to persist. I already do, by the very fact that I am here.

Life is persistence. What exactly makes you look good or even remotely interesting at any given moment though is something that you only occasionally choose and sometimes stumble unto.

Never Admit

This is strange I think. People who participate heavily in traffic know what a drag it is to have sections of highways camera-controlled for speed limits. The biggest criticism they have is that other drivers always drive slower than the maximum speed limit, just to make sure they are not caught and fined. This makes sure traffic flows very erratically.

Now, I have never heard anyone say that they deliberately drive slower than the speed limit, or at least to the degree where we find it irritating. Everyone will keep to the maximum speed, give or take a mile.

I have this speed trap in my neighborhood that shows you your speed as measured by radar. I passed it recently and it said my speed was 5 km/h slower than my speedometer showed. That's a FIVE km/h discrepancy.

I know car manufacturers deliberately gauge speedometers higher than the real car speed, simply to avoid people getting caught with speed tickets all the time. However the discrepancy is different from car to car. Everyone thinks they are driving at 80 km/h, but some cars may actually be travelling 5 km/h slower, others 7. Still others 3.

Here's a strange idea... have car manufacturers lose the discrepancy for once and gauge the speedometers of all cars to their actual speed. That will improve traffic flow.

And no, you still cannot drive 40 km/h on the freeway.

Motivation and Attitude

The Chelsea football club youth system apparently has this neat psychological profile for their players, along the dimensions of Motivation and Attitude. It looks highly useful in a football context, but it seems also useful in my context...

The motivation dimension mainly has to do with the degree of proaction a person exhibits. A highly motivated person is less likely to sit still and more likely to take action. The attitude dimension describes if a person tends to see things in a positive light or a negative one. A person with a good attitude leans more towards positivity. When faced with challenges he finds solutions, thinks ahead, and he cares.

Now, considering these two dimensions, four main profiles come into play:

• a person with low motivation and bad attitude is a Victim. He draws everything that's bad toward himself, and internalizes it. He feels personally attacked.
• a person with low motivation and good attitude is a Spectator. These guys let everything run their course, often to their own detriment. They wait things out and are likely to stay still rather than take action.
• a person with high motivation, and bad attitude is a Cynic. Cynics are actually often very skilled people, but extremely two-faced and always highly negative about their immediate environment. They can be regarded as egoists.
• finally highly motivated people with good attitudes are Team players. You simply cannot have enough of these.

Paid in trust

I think I already mentioned before that I don't really get how money works. Of course I followed the economics classes, went to business school, learned all the theories; but fundamentally the essence of money still eludes me.

Yup, all the cliches still apply. The world needs to go round; and yes I know it is not the most important thing... but it definitely makes things easier and more convenient, which is basically all people are looking for.

The very convenience of money is not having to explain yourself to everyone, everytime in order to get a cup of coffee. People are not charitable I found. Hospitable yes, charitable very rarely. People will only give you stuff if they believe that you are worth it, and are trustworthy.

I guess you could convince that rich, old great uncle to give you food and a place to stay; and if you are good at walking upright in front of leery photographers, you could be a model and have designer couturiers make dresses specially for you. But if you don't have the luxury of a rich family with real estate, or good genes and long legs, money is a good substitute for paying the rent, or actually wearing something nice to the next company party.

Ideally you never need any money. People should happily surrender what you need to you, just because you're such a nice guy. You wanna go somewhere? Taxi brings you there. You want to get into a concert? Bouncer opens the door specially for you. Hungry? Jamie Oliver brings you his best dish, because you're such good mates.

However, if you don't want to be bothered with convincing, building trust or anything in that department, you can always turn to some hard-earned dollars/euros to accomplish the same... you can still get to the airport, you can still listen to Joss Stone, and you can still fill your stomach with a chicken sandwich; it just won't be given to you outright.

Life is like a poker game

if you have a short stack, you have to play like a short stack...
but if you have a big stack, you can afford to wait it out a little

sometimes you get dealt a bad hand, sometimes a great one...
but there's always someone with the best hand

one moment you could be chip leader...
the next moment you are hanging on to your last chips

you can bluff, and represent you have a better hand than you actually have...
or you can just take risk that you'll hit the straight on the river

you'll win some, you'll lose some...
but to win, you have to play the game

My Buddy Network

I take great pride in the expansive network of people I've built up in the past twenty-something years. As far as I am concerned I was (and luckily still am) able to connect with a lot of different, valuable, intelligent people with good stories, extraordinary characters and/or immaculate skills. Every single one of them filled a gap, a need at that point in time (no matter how small), and for that I am grateful.

However these people and the relationships I keep with them must be managed meticulously. This involves, but is not exclusive to:

• remembering birthdays (MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES)
• coming over for babyshowers
• helping people move
• keeping track of your friends' friends names
• going out together for dinner or clubbing
• having lunch/espresso together
  

As you can see this is already a huge list; nevermind that you still need to eat, sleep, do the chores, do the groceries, take out the dog, work and pay the bills, and go on vacation every once in a while.

Unfortunately the cost of not maintaining your relationships is... well... they stall and wither basically.

This is where internet fulfils a demand: without having to call, write, visit anyone anymore you can still stay in touch with the likes of Hyves, Hi5, Orkut, MySpace, LinkedIn, Flickr, YouTube, even this Blogger. Anyone is updated about current affairs, current job, and what you ate last night. If you move, you don't need to send a forwarding address by post (soooooo 1980s): just leave a message on your profile page and people are up to date very quickly...

At least, if they take the effort of actually looking at your profile!

I do think this stuff helps save time in keeping relationships up-to-date. It persists relationships you had at one point in time, and keeps them safe for all-time. It prevents you from losing contact altogether... Otherwise you get these awkward e-mails from people from the past who are hesitant to contact you because it's been so long since you last spoke.

Of course this also allows for situations where you just want someone's name in your list for the sake of it ("yes the PM of the Netherlands is in my Hyves friends list!!"), or you get someone's name in your network whom you don't want there ("oh no the President of the USA is in my Hyves friends list!!"). Wonder if the police do their relationships audit on-line as well... I might have to remove some of these people very fast...

Truthfully, some relationships are worth keeping, even after a long bloody time. There's even a television genre for this: emo-television (cf. "Vermist", "Het Spijt Me").

Relationships should take time as far as I am concerned. These sites cannot account for everything, they should not replace the very limited interactions we already have with one another. And that is something I fear we are doing. We are getting complacent about meeting each other ("I don't need to see this guy now, I read his blog and he's doing fine."). Also we are alienating a lot of people who still don't want anything to do with internet (grandma, great-uncle Pete, Greenpeace Jill and so on). Only Sandi Thom can say (sing) it better than I can.

I myself do have an on-line presence, simply because my phone bill is far too high as it is, I cannot fly off to everywhere on a moment's notice and finally I cannot clone myself to attend two events occuring at the same time. So look me up on Hyves or on LinkedIn. (And of course, you already found the blog...)

Privacy, schmivacy. I'm not getting into politics anyway.

Just give me my Haka dammit!

In Rugby Union no team is better, no team is more intimidating than the New Zealand All Blacks. A great deal of their appeal and intimidation factor has to do with the Haka, the war dance that they do before their test matches. It is truly a riveting sight: fifteen burly, strong men, calling upon the power of the gods to beat their opponents. After seeing that across the pitch, you don't wanna play rugby anymore. You want to run home to mommy for safety.

And today the All Blacks decided not to do the Haka against Wales.

!@#$%^&*(^$@!

Pride plays into this: home teams want to be last to be introduced, but a visiting New Zealand squad demands their anthems to be played even after that of the home team's. Or else no Haka.

You wanna see how quickly you can make a crowd turn on you? Don't do your song and dance. Don't do your gimmick. Don't do what people pay hard earned money to see.

Inner-outer space

Our motivations are strongly diverse, but eventually they all come back to survival and making sense of life and the world around us. We differ most in the way we drive our value system. Some of us are inherently inwardly oriented, others are outward. The former does not derive value from external factors (e.g. other people's opinions, gossip, awards, recognition), up to the point where he does not care what others think of him. The inwardly oriented person checks himself if he is doing well or not, goes about his business, regardless of circumstances. He can be arrogant, aloof, superior, but also nerdy, uncomplicated, stubborn.

The latter derives much, if not all of his self-worth from how others see him. He is acutely aware of other people's opinions and works to great lengths to bring them in his favor. He does so by being nice, looking people in the eye, showing respect, handing out gifts, shoulder pats and so on. He is uncontroversial, but also seems unreal and sometimes even not very authentic.

Depending on your outlook in life, physical traits, interests, skills you have and/or obtained, one approach or the other works better for you. The great challenge is finding out which one. Unfortunately not everyone gets it right, despite clear evidence to the contrary.

Career Achievements

As of today, I have achieved the following in my long and distinguished career as a matchmaker:

• # relationships brought together: 0
• # relationships witnessed coming together: 4
  
• # relationships witnessed broken up: 3
  
• # (partially / fully) responsible for broken-up relationships: 3

I might have to quit while I'm ahead.

Lunar Cycle

It's been a strange week altogether. I've heard people in my immediate vicinity had fallen into puddles of mud... twice. Some of us are sick or nauseous, or even just plain tired. One of us is nearly spooning his eyes out because of the pain it gives him. One of my colleagues couldn't get his residence permit renewed, so he is off. A couple of long-term relationships just hit a dry spell, and the parties involved informed me they just needed a break... right.

Seemingly the moon's current state suggests that we are all in a rather strange and disturbing period. Some of us are getting better, while others are doing worse. It just happens to occur all at the same time.

What does this mean for the coming week? The strangeness should still continue, with job opportunities vanishing, deliveries getting f'ed up, and bowels acting up. It should still be a little while before things turn for the better, so be careful for now.

But I'm fine.

If I ran a political party...

• you could only vote if you took an exam first; and you MUST have a high school diploma
  
• traffic is caused by people who can't drive; they must be cut off at the source; anyone who cannot drive (e.g. 60 km/h on the highway; parking halfway in two spaces) will have his driver's license revoked permanently;
• Anyone from foreign countries wanting to work here, fine. But you're getting paid in air miles.
  
• television stations are disbanded in favour of tv on-demand, and a surprise channel (Nederland 1 will work for this)
  
• organized religions are taxed 80 %; if you want to show your religious colours (put a fish-sign on your car, wear a kabbala or a headdress etc.), you can obtain the right to do so for a 50 % tax hike. Doing so without paying tax? Ask yourself what happens to you if you stop paying normal income taxes...

It's probably best for me never to run for office...

I know what you should vote!

I think you can do away with all these stemwijzers, and vote analyzers (like stemwijzer.nl). They try to help you make up your mind which party to vote for, but in the end it doesn't matter: no matter which party you vote for, there's no single party that can fully bring to bear their entire party program (when they finally get to rule). There's simply too much to choose from and eventually no single party can get the majority. Eventually the government will consist of a combination of different parties, and all party programmes will be watered down significantly.

On the other hand the two-party system as active in the US is not good either, since the Republicans and the Democrats keep each other in a deadlock. Or they have to trade one activity for another, and so governing becomes not much more than playground economics. You remember that? trading one big marble for several smaller marbles? That big one shiny sticker for the other one that you don't already have?

Next week in Holland by all means vote with your gut. Don't listen to party rhetoric. Don't follow the advice of the stemwijzers. Think about who do you want to place in power, who do you trust enough to represent you? You don't always get what you want (I sure didn't the last few years), and contrary to what Mick Jagger says, you don't sometimes get what you need. But you're making a statement.

Discuss.

The Secret (behind) Santa

The month of December brings us another opportunity to offload our crap trinkets on our unsuspecting friends and family. There's Christmas, Sinterklaas (if you live in Holland that is), and if you're really unlucky birthdays. Altogether it is a good thing christmas bonuses get paid out now indeed.

Of course this brings the discussion to gifts, or more accurately the process of buying gifts. The person you're buying the gift for obviously is leading what you pick for him or her. However I've found that the length of the relationship you have, is just as important.

• If you just got to know someone within the last 6 to 12 months or so, you can pretty much get away with something from the souvenir shop, or the bargain bin: budget eau de cologne, wine from the supermarket, a paperback
  
• If you're friends for some time now - say between 1 and 5 years - you probably need to team up with your pals; the gifts you buy are not elaborate, but probably too big or expensive to buy alone: toaster ovens, jewelry, gadgets
  
• If your relationship goes back for five years or more then there's an issue: there's not a lot you can still give that you haven't given before (try buying your wife a 27th anniversary gift, you'll see what I mean); now the gifts become less material and more immaterial: dinners out, vacations, concert tickets, spa treatments

N.B. The total dollar amount of the gift is not in any way an indicator of the length of the relationship (although if you're buying a $ 100 necklace on a first date, you are either Donald Trump, or you completely missed the point). And milestones (25th and 50th anniversaries, lustra) obviously call for something special, no matter how long your relationship.

Don't ask, don't tell

Apparently I am very good at keeping secrets... or actually I am very good at not telling secrets. I am extremely bad at hiding I keep a secret.

In all actuality I do want to tell everything I know, but there's a couple of things stopping me:

• is it appropriate to just spill the beans?
• trust is big virtue for me, and I associate keeping something inside with being more trustworthy than just gossiping around
• sometimes whatever you think is a big secret, is actually not; I feel you can lose face if your big news is in fact not so big

So basically if you ask the right questions, you can get loads and loads of information from me

The Ultimate Top Gear Match-up

After seeing this guy racing all over Europe, amongst other things riding his motorcycle from Rotterdam to Amsterdam, across the A20 and A12 to Utrecht and then north to the nation's capital on the A2, in just over 20 minutes, I came up with the ultimate Top Gear challenge. The one that will shatter all viewing records, and be the legendary story for years to come.

I wanna see Ghost Rider take on The Stig in a winner take all fastest time lap around the Nurburgring. (of course Stiggie should have a car which is comparable in power-to-weight ratio to the Ghost Rider's cycle).

Winner gets to replace Richard Hammond while he is recuperating from his crash.

I really don't wanna help you but I don't

Here's a strange way of helping out: offer to help with something, but only if the other has already done so.

Also add that it when you offer to help, make sure that the other ones know you've got something alternative planned, that is very, very hard to get out of.

Survivor Series: Techies vs. Consultants

For years techies and consultants battle for total supremacy in the company. Consultants can act all high and mighty, Techies turn off their access to the internet. Techies treat the customer like shit, consultants get treated to dinner by the client.

There's a fundamental difference between the two groups. In the Dilbertian world techies are fuzzy people, practical, lazy, curious and highly logically oriented. According to them, the world has one solution (the right one), and they are insulted by anyone who doesn't see the same solution.

Consultants are political animals, theoretic, formal and by-the-book. As long as everything is put to paper there's no problem. If someone tries to prove them wrong, consultants can point to their precious documentation.

In the end both groups can rile up the other very easily. And that's where I should come in. I am the guy to alleviate the pressure between the groups and reconcile any differences. Through me each can elaborate their ideas better to the other. I can translate, draw examples that speak to each group. I can work in both groups effectively and lead by example.

And that's where the money is.

Three Steps to make a Good Music Compilation

• Have a theme; it can be a music genre, a specific subset of artists. However make sure you are original in your theme. There are just too many love song compilations in the world today. Get inspired by a movie that just came out, a football game that just played out.
• Make sure the tempo of the compilation varies. All slow songs are boring, but everything uptempo tires you out quicker than you can say huh. If all songs are rock loud, your ears start ringing after just three tracks... however make sure the songs don't switch gears from track to track. Make it flow naturally.
• Anchor the compilation with the strongest tracks at the start, at the end and in the middle. (I usually pick my strongest track as the eighth.) When you put tracks at the start, the track needs to start strong. The track you put at the end must end well, either with feeling or with a climactic finish, which all depends on your intentions.
  

Special offer, just for you

The country's biggest grocer currently sells an analogy for life itself! It's true! It's amazing! It's a... salad?

Just like life the salad has the potential of tasting great. In fact there's all kinds of hidden treasures that - when found - make the whole taste wonderful: cheese, dressing, croutons, pepper and so on. Unfortunately, you need to look for the extras, because they are indeed hidden beneath a thick layer of lettuce. Just like life, you need to dig these out yourself.

Also you have to remember to find these extra bags, and find all of these in time. If you don't, either you end up eating plastic, or you end up with a big mess (dressing all over the kitchen table).

And all for just EUR 5.99

World Series... missed it

Ehm... The St. Louis Cardinals win the World Series... well that's okay. Now usually I would do this schtick, in which I predict the winner on the basis of the heart, the head and the gut. But unfortunately the playoffs were so uneventful, I completely missed the part.

Now I think I would have bet money on the Detroit Tigers to win, solely because they were the best team in the majors for a big part of the season and had the better story (from perennial losers to champions in the space of a season). The Cardinals had the star power (well... Albert Pujols, and he didn't turn out that good for the Series) and were the cream of the NL crop for the last three, four seasons so they did have a good argument as well....

But with the Series already behind us, let's just call this one a no-show, and move on.

Warning! Bad Poetry Ahead

I can rationalize this to the bone
To myself I keep saying
That the opportunities I missed
Weren't mine for the taking

But if I were truly honest
I realize that all I feel
Is a great sadness and
A desperation that is very real

Glances and short remarks
Meetings all too brief
So sad to see you go
But love to see you leave

Swedish humour

I read Ikea bases its products' names on certain themes. For example cupboards are named after boys' names, while lamps are based on musical instruments.

Of course it wouldn't be Ikea if they didn't put an Swedish slant on it. Sometimes this has funny results:

• JERKER
• RUCKEN
• DIKTAD
• KULL

Goodbye And Again

Lately it seems that job hopping is back in vogue. Several colleagues, people I see at work, move on. Sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's forced, but it's always a moment of reflection.

Thing is, the departures of people I see and speak to on a somewhat regular basis obviously draw my attention, but I'm also forced to acknowledge the departures of people that I don't even know. Money is collected for the leaving parties, drinks are passed around, stories are told to anyone within a ten mile radius. Why, I can't even fathom. Even worse, I can't imagine why suddenly I should start caring.

Of course, if you're anything like a nice person, you go along. Also opportunities for drinking are always appreciated.

Now the opposite end of the spectrum is trying to deny the existence of people leaving completely. Co-workers don't leave, they disappear. At best you find out months later that people that you need advise from, or would like to know where they hang out, aren't where you expect them to be anymore.

The shitty thing is that you know people are gone, or going away. Not acknowledging that doesn't make those facts more untrue. And if you're anyway inclined to think in terms of conspiracies (like me) you lose trust in your working environment.

I hope things eventually even out, regardless of corporate culture. Forcing people to acknowledge someone's departure, or hiding it from plain sight; either way it's insulting.

Life On The Road

The more you travel by car, the more you're gonna see the world, life and everything in parallels to driving. For example:

• in heavy traffic you're going to guess which lane is moving the fastest; and you will nearly always be in the wrong lane
  
• some drivers will help you and let you pass; others will block you or run you off the road
• depending on your inclination you can keep to your speed limits or you can choose to go past it... way past; likewise you can choose to stick and abide to the law or ignore it
• you wanna take risks? by all means... those are the guys who don't really pay attention to the road and other drivers, race 150 km/h, pass left and right, take bends at insane speeds... either way you get a lot of attention.
• some drivers look very attractive, others should fit their cars with blinds; same in life...
• some cars look amazing, and much like life some careers or achievements look amazing...
• sometimes you're stuck behind a truck, being slowed down, blocking your sight...
• and eventually you can get to drive on the open road, free to do whatever you want, wherever you want to go...

Yo momma is so unlucky

...bad luck changes from Friday the 13th to the next day just for for her...

I mean, I've been real careful not to do anything significant on Friday the 13th, although I was fully expecting to get a serious speeding ticket, getting fired, or getting robbed this day. However, instead I:

• got taken down by a speed camera at 105 in a 100 zone
  
• missed package deliveries I was waiting for

on the very next day.

Top of the Pops

I can't help it, but I keep laughing at that North Korean newscaster woman who proudly announced the successful nuclear test her nation's scientists were able to complete.

Her tone, her demeanor was so dripping of the worst kind of propaganda, it's ridiculous. Of course, seeing it over here, I can hardly understand how anyone could actually fall for that silly tone. If they would do it over here, most Dutch people would just switch channels, and chalk it up to the comedy factory or something.

Then again, I ain't North Korean, so I wouldn't know if someone over there could appreciate irony, sarcasm and the like.

The Grand Poobah from PyongYang doesn't really care much for working together with the rest of the world, so all these eternal damnations, calls for embargos aren't effective.
It doesn't hurt. Kim couldn't care less.

And in the meanwhile all the attention is drawn away from Iran. It's a lot like the Billboard Top 100, but instead of the latest hypes in music, it's the latest hypes in people to piss off. Iran was on top of the charts a month ago, but now North Korea are on top of the mountain.

The thing is - even in international diplomacy and global politics - any publicity is better than no publicity.

In two months I guess Venezuela will be making another jump in the charts. You can certainly count on one dictator trying to up-end another, just for the fun of it. After all: Who pisses off Kofi and George and Tony and Vladimir the most?

Sheer Strength

Frustratingly lifting stuff into my home I realize one single truth: I'm stronger than most people would give me credit for, but I'm weaker than I often need.

Now this is difficult, because on the one hand you'd be surprised by the amount of work I can pick up, the stuff I can carry, the responsibilities I can handle. It's just that because others don't think I can I have to take control of it myself.

On the other hand when I actually have to lift some stuff to the first floor, lead a group of people, fight a strong opponent, then I have to come to the conclusion that I lack just that power to accomplish that task. Which is a big disappointment if people expect me to complete one actually.

The only thing I can do is just continue my training. Maybe train more the stuff that's not that strong yet... if I can find it.

I'm getting old

You've got these ringtones you can order, which supposedly "your parents and your teachers can't hear" because the frequency is set so high. So let's give it a try...

I can't hear a thing.

Fundamental differences

Techies and business consultants don't get along.

There. I've said it.

When it comes down to it, consultants are supposed to know a lot about a lot of different aspects in the workplace. In IT projects it means consultants should know about the client expectations, profit margins, work estimations, deadlines, requirements, business processes... and the IT systems. That's a whole lot to do. They've got a lot of responsibility, because a lot of people attribute it to them.

In IT projects techies are usually subject matter experts, the workhorses who operate the buttons, make the code. Occasionally they're even the artists, working magic, where magic has no business of being there. But their scope is limited. Whether they want to or not, they are hardly responsible for anything other than the system.

Usually consultants have too much on their plates to be experts at anything, so models, tools and methodologies have been created to streamline their activities across all areas. And rightly so. However IT is a business where there is no standardized way of working. In fact there may never be, because IT moves so fast. Techies have a hard time dealing with it themselves, so they need to train, read up, go to conferences and workshops.

What chance do consultants have then? They're responsible for something that they essentially have little to no control over. The only way to gain a modicum of control is to utilize outdated methodologies, or models which have no real practical application in IT. And that insults the tech experts.

The tragic thing is that consultants and techies know that a better way to work exists, but everybody is too driven by other factors to actually do something about it, be it deadlines, peer pressure, contract disputes and so on.

And so the conflict continues.

A very special day

When you were a small child the most important dates on your calendar were

• your own birthday (you would get presents, grandma and grandpa would visit, you could invite all your best friends to come over, etc.)
  
• christmas (same reasons, except everyone would come over without you needing to bother with invitations)
• new years (any day where can stay up late, is cool)
  

Now you're older every date seems like an important day. If you're married, you better remember your spouse's birthday and your wedding day. You've got a day for the animals, the fathers, the mothers, gay pride, pink ribbon day, aids awareness, Independence Day, Superbowl Sunday, Liberation Day, 9-11, 7-7, march1, etc.

And you're in even more trouble if your favorite date happens to be for example your birthday, and then something like an assassination on a politician occurs on the same day.

You here's a question: how bad does some event have to be, before it overshadows an otherwise good day?

Worse yet, how climactic does it have to get before we have to invent a completely new calendar?

To compare or not to compare that's the question

Making comparisons is something that's necessary for people to make decisions. Whether it's about choosing a dish when eating out, choosing a car to buy or a stereo, some place to go to on the weekends, people would compare various alternatives to eventually decide on a course of action.

Lately I've been hearing the argument to not make comparisons anymore. Any activity should be judged based on its own merits.

Now here's the question I pose to you... how can I discern the benefits of an option, if I don't know otherwise?

The Confessional

I'll admit another bad habit of mine.

About three out of five times I will do less than what is actually needed. This objective may relate to work, to love, to friendships, to eat... anything in life actually. The problem is, the other two times I will consistently do far more than is necessary, often even to my own detriment.

So apparently I can't match effort to objectives, I am inefficient and ineffective.

Could be worse.

General admission

Now pay attention, because this doesn't tend to happen a lot... but I'll admit something bad about myself today.

My biggest character failing is that I expect everyone whom I deal with to play according to the (i.e. my) rules. And for whatever reason, be it insight, perspective, opinion, belief, intelligence etc., that is not realistic to expect. Most of my time is spent on convincing people to see my way.

Actually I don't want to spend that time at all, and just assume people to go along with me as-is. The nastiest thing is that I act/am insulted when people act irrationally... according to my logic. Realistically, I can't ever expect anyone to be just as rational as me from the get-go.

So despite this, why do I keep holding these expectations? Why is it so important that people see things my way, without me having to convince them? How can I be so sure of myself that my way is the best way, and my way should be self-evident for everyone?

The English language has words for this:

• arrogant
• stubborn
• short-sighted
• fundamentalist
  

Everything I know I learned from the Lion King

Today we got two special letters in the mail. One announced the birth of my old school mate's daughter. It's his third baby girl, and he's not planning for more I think. You need only imagine what happens when the girls are (about to reach the proper age for) dating.

Congratulations BTW.

Another letter announced the passing of a great-uncle of my parents. Already advanced in age, and a widower, the announcement was still a shocking development. The guy was by all accounts still quite sharp. For sure a damn pity.

My condoleances.

The Lion King's theme - if I remember correctly - was The Circle Of Life. People live, people die, and people live again. No better was this theme symbolized than in today's mail.

I can't put it any better than this

http://dumblittleman.blogspot.com/2006/09/why-top-employees-quit.html

http://dumblittleman.blogspot.com/2006/08/50-ways-manager-can-get-employees-to.html

Primary and secondary pay

When you're a paid employee, the biggest part of your wages consists of money, moolah, dineros. And yet you only notice the absence if it. People always complain about not getting paid enough, having to spend so much on living and so on.

A relatively small part of your wages consists of secondary benefits, like a pension plan, a lease car, an expense account, fancy dinners, concerts, vacation days. It is the presence of these benefits that you would notice. (Coincidentally, they're a great source for tall stories)

This means that you end up working mostly for something that you only notice when it's not there anymore, instead of for something beneficial or rewarding. That's kind of strange isn't it?

No purpose

Another scary thing: there's this relatively straight-minded, older man. He went to proper schools, received higher education, worked for decades at the highest level possible.

He has to give a speech to millions of viewers, in which he will make controversial statements to say the very least. And indeed more than half the world is furious with him.

I'm pretty sure this guy expected the negative outbursts directed towards him. If he didn't, he's either very naive or painfully stubborn. So that means he had an agenda with his statements, and for the life of me, I can't figure out what that agenda could be. Is he trying to show macho behaviour? Is he trying to defend his cause? Draw a line in the sand? Mirror the opposition?

All I can say is, I fail to see the purpose of his statements. All I see is Vince McMahon challenging Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 22, and then getting his ass kicked from a 15 foot ladder.

All messes are children of assumptions

Whatever you read or hear, you will always understand it to your best advantage. And that is dangerous, because your best advantage may not be what is actually meant. This can have disastrous results.

• bills don't get paid
• goals get scored on you
• trash doesn't get picked up

More excuses

In last post, I stated that we need valid, acceptable excuses to initiate any kind of relationship among ourselves. Following this, I pose now that the toughest excuses one makes are those made to oneself.

Everything you see, feel, hear around you triggers the question, why? Or maybe how? People by nature are curious and always need to know the answer to these questions. That's why we've got things like religion, laws and regulations, expert opinions, televised talk shows and so on.

Thing is, it is delusional to say that the answer to these questions is the unequivocal truth. It is more like an excuse, an acceptable explanation that placates your wonder and amazement. It is a deal you make with yourself to satisfy your mood.

How acceptable such an excuse is, is really a matter of circumstance. Whether or not you make a career change, totally depends on how you justify it for yourself. You can essentially explain it both ways. Whether or not you believe in the WTC conspiracies, depends on which way you are inclined to see the situation. If you make enough excuses, you can basically justify everything there is to know.

And herein lies our biggest battle. In our search for the answers, we strive to reach the truth totally and utterly. The only way we know how to reach the answers is to agree on theories, concepts, ideas, rumours, opinions, moods, fitness, or laws. Each excuse draws us further from the truth. The very means of getting us forward, pulls us backwards instead.

Necessary Excuse

Excuses drive relationships more than you can imagine. For nearly all instances in life, you're going to need an excuse just to get together. It might be a birthday, a wedding, a funeral, an anniversary. You now need an excuse just to talk to someone, be it in a store (you want to buy goods), in a bar (you want to pick someone up), or in sports (you want to win).

It can't just be any excuse either. For one you need to get away with it. Car salesmen generally don't sell cars to shabbily dressed people, no matter how much money they prove to have on their bank accounts. The excuse also has to be socially acceptable and match the desired outcome of the relationship. You can tell your boss you need a vacation, just before the holiday season. You cannot tell him you need time off, just to play a video game at home or do grocery shopping.

In all this the excuse does not necessarily have to be true. It just has to be acceptable enough to get things running along. (Although I must say, for most people the truth is a lot easier to keep up with than a lie)

Not there yet

Basically, it's like this: I can get in, I can get out, there's a chair, a table and if you don't mind sleeping on concrete you can sleep there as well...

But if it's all the same to you, I'll wait 'till I furnish the place proper.

Passion of the Xrist

Interviews with successful people in popular and professional media tend to look alike. Everyone wants to know how they got to be so successful, rich, powerful and whatnot. Hopefully the answers will inspire more people to do the same.

Most of these people describe their key motivation as being passionate about their jobs. They don't mind putting in the time, the extra energy and effort. They push through when they're faced with adversity. All in the name of passion.

Now for me this just isn't useful. I agree that you need dedication to reach success, and having a passion for something/someone is a very strong form of dedication. I think you do need this, because otherwise everyone would be able to reach their goals simply by putting in the time. That would be too easy.

However a passion is something that you can't tell anyone to have. You either have it or you don't. Steve Irwin has so much of it, he got killed for it. I'm pretty sure everyone has a passion for something, and some of us are even able to make a living out of it, but there are plenty of people who don't have strong feelings about their livelihood. They just get their wages, and move on to their hobbies. Or worse: they may have so many extra-curricular activities (second job, in debt, children, at war, in fear, sick etc.) on their minds, they don't get to live out their passions at all.

Seriously, telling everyone you've got a passion for your job and that being the main reason for your success, is like a kick in the nuts. It's like waving and eating a fresh turkey sandwich in front of a hungry homeless person.

Look nice and still tell people to sod off

• take someone's telephone number and suggest calling them back later
• bring them something relatively meaningless (cup of coffee usually suffices) and then cut the meeting short
  
• get called away (my phone has an alarm/reminder function which I can set to any time I like; stopwatch also works)
• any of the following phrases work: "I'll look into it"; "I need some time to discuss this with the team"; "the person responsible is not in at the moment, do you want to leave a message?"

I think I prefer this subtle route - which makes people feel empowered, while still getting shafted - rather than the blunt route, which is more honest and truthful, but also makes people angry directly.

Addendum

As an addendum to last night's last point (...the inherently lazy point...): people who are supposed to part with their stuff (government, your boss, your rich great-great-uncle) expect you to be happy with whatever they give. If you want more, you should damn well work harder for it and show them... of course this doesn't account for you having a handicap, having a kid, having a life...

New Stuff Learned Today

• You can actually make yourself absolutely vital in whatever you do. You can make yourself this way without you knowing it, or intending it. You can be absolutely vital and you may not want to: Spiderman had this problem. Or in my case I (believe I) am vital in an area of expertise I don't want to be in.
• I always thought the next step was applying what I've learned on a higher level. And it's not. It's recognizing and estimating what others have learned and reflecting it back on them.
• Even if you are a money grabbing nutcase, you can still make very bad financial decisions.
• People are not just inherently lazy, they also expect others (i.e. the people who give them stuff) to be not. People afford a certain amount of time and energy to achieve some level of comfort. Consequently they expect everyone else to meet them at the other end. And people get angry if they (perceive) you don't, no matter if it's due to lack of willingness, lack of ability, lack of structure, financial limitations or something else.

Pop Quiz, Hotshot

During job interviews, you could get some funny questions that seemingly don't make a lot of sense; these have nothing to do with the job at hand, and are only there to gauge your reaction.

If I were taking an interview like this, I could use this question:

We're walking a lap round a three-story appartment building, and it's raining. The top floor is dry. The ground floor is dry. The first floor is flooded.

How is that possible?

Moment's gone

Some news you're supposed to be happy with, and supposed to enjoy when it reaches you. Of course you should hear this news at the opportune time, not when your cat just died, or you just got a speeding ticket in the mail.

At that point good news - even the best possible news - becomes just news. The moment passes, never to return.

It is so important to cherish the time when something good happens. It should be experienced to the fullest. These moments are so rare, and rely on the convergence of so many factors, it's ridiculous.

Self Fulfilling Prophecies

Here's a thing I've come to realize recently: don't underestimate the power of self fulfilling prophecies. You know the kind. You try to steer away from a bad situation, and end up sleeping with your mom.

The crazy thing is, once it gets that status of self fulfillment, there's no steering possible anymore. Your entire mindset points toward one inevitable outcome, and all your (in)actions will - whether you want it or not - eventually lead in that same direction.

Destiny? I think not. Fate? Heck no. God's Will? Give me a break. Self Fulfilling Prophecies are proof that man is the complete and only cause of its own downfall.

Market value

08:00; resume is activated on-line on job site.

14:00; ten new invitations in mailbox.

wow.

would it work as well on dating sites?

Fastest Ways to Rile Up a Guy

• Stand very close behind him
• Keep asking him the same questions
• Follow him around
• Wave a sledgehammer near his new car
• Repeat yourself
• Tell everyone but him something secret
  

T-Section Ahead, 2 miles

Ever have this feeling, this idea that you have to make a big choice very soon? Either through rational or emotional means changes are forthcoming that you yourself have to trigger. And that's scary. And exciting.

All the cards are in your hand, and the only thing you're waiting for, is when the other shoe drops. You have no idea how things will exactly play out, but you can have expectations, perhaps even hope, if you are so inclined.

And what if not just the other shoe drops, but an entire avalanche comes rolling down on you? Have you played your cards well enough to move out of the way?

Or worse, nothing happens. In that case, did you miss the exit a couple of miles back?

The Creeping Deadline

What is it?: an IT project is sold and a delivery date is set. Now at some point during the project, people (the management, the client, the shareholder) realize that they might be better off if the deadline moves forward a couple of days or weeks, so it better aligns to other departments (finance, marketing, HR)...
Pros: better alignment, thus adhering to client's new constraints
Cons: greatly increased stress on project team (unless of course, the project can defer some of the deliverables to after the deadline)

The thing is, after this entire project ends and is handed-over, the message to the outside world is going to be that the project was completed on time and under budget. The subtext is of course, original time and budget.

And if you get deeper into this discussion, you end having to match every single deliverable to every single sub-deadline defined, and you have a huge mess. People generally just don't bother (unless they're auditing).

Now having a house built is cool. There's this acquisition contract that says the buyer pays for the material and labor costs, for an expected number of days needed to complete the construction. If the contractor goes over the alotted number of days, any additional costs are on his account. But, there's no deadline.

Mind you, this can only be done for mature projects.

Who'd have thunk it?

Back in high school we had this nice older math teacher running the class for a year. He was fast approaching his retirement so we kind of made things easy for him (unlike for some other teachers we had during the time). He had a long white beard, and was short and stocky. If you put a red pointy hat on his head, he looks just like a garden gnome.

Anyways this guy at some point during the year confided in us that he was in fact living with his boyfriend for some time now. At the time that announcement was a big thing. You wouldn't expect that from an nice old man.

Now in every high school class the same roles are played: there's the popular divas in one corner of the room, the nerdy brains in another. And then there's the alpha male, the guy who always shouts the loudest, talks to the most chicks, and always causes trouble. This guy was the typical alpha: was never in class, because he always had some chore to do as punishment for something else he had done. As a result he was not around when our math teacher told us about his sexual preference.

Near the end of the year our alpha started treating us to I guess cake. He lost a bet or something. During math class he passed cake around, and eventually there was so much left over, that he gave everything to the math teacher, adding that he and his wife could enjoy it...

At that point the class fell silent, and all eyes primed on the dude. He was completely stunned and surprised that everyone was staring at him. He didn't know he made a faux pas. We didn't know what would happen next. It wasn't until later he was told the explanation. And seriously, he couldn't sink any lower into the ground at that point.

We've now moved on a decade and apparently our alpha male is dating a male television personality and singer. I can't say what I'm more surprised about: about the idea that he's into guys now, or about the notion that he is dating someone relatively famous.

A fool is made in haste

The most truthful thing I've read today was from an SI.com article, and is about John Madden, now most commonly known as a sportscaster and colourman in NFL games. He doesn't fly planes anymore due to his claustrophobia, and travels around in buses, trains and the like. It changed his outlook on life:

"If the claustrophobia thing didn't happen, I wouldn't know what this country is or what these people are like, (...) I would have been like everyone else: Run, run, run; airport, airport, airport; hotel, hotel, hotel; city, city, city. I wouldn't have found time to see things like I see them now. I got so I knew nothing other than football and the Raiders. You focus in so much, and you miss life."

Aww... shucks

Who Cares? Really this would be a nice gift for a newlywed couple.

Unknow, v.

Verb:
to unknow (third-person singular simple present unknows, present participle unknowing, simple past unknew, past participle unknown)

1. To deny knowledge and familiarity of a previously introduced concept: friendship, failures, movie quotes.
2. To forget, with intention

Irony is Bliss

The most ironic thing I heard today, was at the end of a Delinquent Habits track.

"I thought you don't hold a grudge."

"I don't. I have no more surviving enemies."

Middle East, anyone?

Cheat or Visionary

Three things spring to mind now that Tour de France-winner Floyd Landis has tested positive for high-performance drugs:

• Doping is a bad thing because it supposedly skews the playing field; so make doping legal, make the results public and make the Tour a championship whomever gets the best technology, just like Formula One. Of course people will find new ways to cheat anyway, but if you find out, give them a slap on the wrist, fine them big time, and leave them be. Keeping sports purely natural is rather old fashioned.
  
• If an athlete takes doping, and their health deteriorates, it's their own damn fault. Anyone who wants to take a shortcut, knows some kind of cost is involved. There are no free rides.
  
• Doping really falls second place to inept officiating (see World Cup 2006); I'd rather watch sports where everybody takes drugs than a game where officials muck up with strange decisions, egotistical attitudes and just plain stupidity.
  

Bored out of their mind

People have no higher goals to strive for. All the land on this planet has been colonized (Google Earth), everyone has already done everything (marathon running, climbing Everest, kite surfing, fisting etc.), new technologies are following each other at such great speed that we don't even notice anymore; There's no great threat or enemy waiting just around the corner. No commies, no dictators (because we ousted them all), no diseases (at least not for very long).

Everything's just more of the same. Been there, done that.

People are bored. So people do as people do when they get bored: they surf on the interweb, complain about the high taxes, traffic, the weather, or they go to war. If there are no ideals to reach for, we just make them up on our own. Fight terrorism? Check. Take away nuclear power in Iran/Korea? Check. Israel? Check.

If things are supposed to be faster, better than ever before, then why do people feel so bored out of their minds? In that respect, why do people choose to fill their boredom with extremely pointless activities (genocide, grass, video games etc.)?

Question of authority

You've made it through high school... barely.

You've completed trade school... barely.

You got a job, and now, at 23/24 you are an inspector for the civil works.

You come to my building site on an inspection.

You act all high and mighty that everything is either alright, crap or something in between.

I laugh and dismiss you.

(of course, this is when the full force of the civil works department bears down on me, figuratively crushing me beneath its boots)

Now you'll have to forgive me when a 24-year old boy doesn't make an impression on me, even when he brandishes his official badge in front of me. For some reason with me, you need to earn my respect. Legal issues aside, authority comes with age, experience, and perhaps admiration. I had to earn mine when I was 24 (and older even), and some punk from trade school is not going to change that perception.

I'm just prejudiced like that. Young guys from trade school should know their place. Pay your respects and bring a senior person along for the inspection, alright?

How Consultants Program (Part 1)

Consultants, real consultants, are supposed to be a little bit of everything. A tiny bit accountant, a dash of project manager, a tad of a kindergarten teacher, and a small amount programmer...

Now real consultants who do IT jobs tend to do things in a typical way. They exhibit these little behaviours that are at the very least peculiar to IT specialists. Sometimes it works out okay, other times it's a source of frustration, both for clients and for techies.

1. If it can go wrong, it deserves to be caught.
Exhibited in: code with huge amounts of if-statements or exception handling. Better yet: nested if-statements. Consultants are careful, therefore all situations need to be identified, handled and taken care of. The upside of this is that a consultant can always point out to the client "I took care of that, there: it says so in the code." The downside is that debugging is a losing proposition, as techies wade through a jungle of code.

2. Job done... in a single unit of code.
Exhibited in: huge, huge amounts of code (1000s of lines), that perform one business requirement from top to bottom, without stopping. The upside: consultants show they understand the client's needs, because they did everything in a single run. The downside: lots and lots of code to support. Good luck if you need to find something, let alone change something.

More next time.

Melting

In this heat being outside in the open sun for a significant amount of time is actually not a good idea. Even if you're wearing a bathing suit or a bikini. Even if you drink plenty of water.

So you've got construction workers working on the roads, walking enthusiasts in Nijmegen, sun bathers on the beach, busboys and -girls working the terraces, but other than that there's very little reason to be out there.

Just put me in an air-conditioned room and leave me to my beer. Better yet, stick a parasol in the ground and I'll gladly picknick there.

I just can't seem to put more than two coherent sentences together...

ECHO!! Echo! Echo...

My conscience is eating me... lately I make some statements about work, about pop culture, about life in general, and others are repeating what I said almost literally... now how should I react:

Creative not much? I know it's a good idea, because I've just said it. I don't need it repeated back to me.

Or:

Should I be flattered that other people are listening to what I say, and are picking up on it? Should I feel solace in the fact that people apparently think the same way I do?

Some guidance now would be nice...

Distractions

People easily get distracted by news and events. As a prerequisite, the news must be of interest to them. There's also a hierarchy: if something bad happens, that's more interesting than if something happy occurs. Also something very far away (geographically), is less noteworthy than something close to home.

Unfortunately these matters of fact allow for some really strange observations.

For example, up until last night, no one in Italy (or Europe for that matter) spoke of the World Cup victory. Instead whatever it was that set Zidane to headbutting an opposing player was the focus of the news. And last night the relegations of Italy's Juventus, Lazio Roma and Fiorentina stole the limelight. None of this is really joyful, yet people like it so much they devote so much of their time on it.

Observation 1: since when is an (alleged) insult more important news than a team winning the biggest prize in their craft?

Another example. The Israeli attacks on Lebanon were momentarily headline news, even drawing the attention from one G.W. Bush from the United States. The next day it drew second billing to the annual local fish market survey.

Observation 2: since when is local non-threatening news more important than global life-threatening issues?

Human nature is to select (prioritize more like) what is of value to any individual and ignore the rest. There's simply no time to indulge into everything. This prioritization is quite pessimistic though. When people do something grand, others either put themselves down (I wouldn't be able to do that), or get jealous. A far smaller group is actually inspired by grand performances and strive to reach something similar. When something bad happens to people however, nearly everyone feels threatened. They could think it could happen to them (floods, fires, kidnappings, but also scam artists, high taxes, car accidents or noise violations).

Human nature is to judge the risk of something bad happening to themselves far higher than the risk of something good happening. People are driven to do everything in their power to survive, purely on instinct, but few are driven to make a quantum leap forward past that stage.

Lazy bastards.

Selective hearing

This week I've been asked the question what my strengths were. One of those I've mentioned - from the top of my head - was being able to stay objective and calm longer than other people I know or work with (although if you saw me driving in the car, you would probably not share that opinion about me).

Staying objective and calm to me has nothing to do with a higher level of tolerance or inner peace, but more with distilling precisely that information which the broadcaster wants to spread. In my experience people rarely put into words exactly what they mean, because they tend to leave pauses in their sentences, stall to search their vocabularies, think about things again, speed up, slow down and so on. Whatever people want to share, is rarely what they say word for word.

Problem is, the audience doesn't take enough time to distill the deeper meaning from whatever is said. Therefore they fall into misinterpretations and in addition they fill-in whatever gaps exist with whatever they think is meant and stop there. The end result is that the audience gets angry because whatever was actually meant, did not match what they think was meant.

Objectivity and calmness comes from being able to accept that whatever is said, is not completely literally the message conveyed. People are fallible, people don't know, people lie. Accepting this fact allows you to be cautious and to truly think about the message. Eventually you get the closest to the original meaning of the messenger.

I'm not saying I'm a good listener. I'm actually quite dreadful at it. Listening is just as fallible as speaking. But I pick up on key words, ask the right questions to confirm any information gaps I may have, and I maintain a healthy neutral stance.

I can predict people's intentions quite well this way, and therefore never really complain. How can you complain if you are right?

WTH was Zidane thinking?

All the speculation can end... Zidane truly orchestrated the end of his own career to the last second. The headbutt he gave to Materazzi, and the subsequent red card and sending-off were all his intention. He did not snap, it was a perfectly executed, deliberate action to avoid a situation he was not prepared to endure, i.e. losing the World Cup final to the Italians.

Think about it, his best teammates had already left the pitch (Henry, Vieira), and he was left with young guys he didn't really know well, maybe even like. When the final whistle would sound, all the world's cameras would focus on his face, trying to capture the final moment of his career, in tears. Everyone wants to see the best player in the world in total desolation. Nothing attracts more viewers than someone else's misery, and this would have been one for the ages.

But Zidane is not a puppet of the masses. He is truly a genius, far more intelligent than anyone in football in the past fifteen years (except for Dennis Bergkamp perhaps). He does things his way, and that includes how leaves the game... correction... how he chooses to leave the game.

Of course he got provoked. He probably even was insulted. But he already knew what was going to happen. He had already seen the future. Zinedine already saw Italy win the World Cup 30 minutes later and celebrate at his expense, and that hurt him to the core of his being. And instead of languishing in his fate, he sought to do something about it. Materazzi gave him the opening. And Zidane took it: the footballing equivalent of hara kiri.

Now, even in disgrace, Zidane goes out as the king of football.

No tears.

No pity.

Adieu Zizou.

World Cup Final prediction

The head says: Italy

The Italian national team seems stronger than the French, proven by the two-hour onslaught they endured in the semis against Germany. Frankly Les Bleus looked rather tired in their own semi final, as if time is finally catching up to these guys (average age is over 30). Both teams are struggling up front I think, but I had no expectations about the likes of Toni or Gilardino, opposed to Thierry Henry who is by consensus the best player in the Premiership for the past two seasons. More Italian than French players left a good impression on me: Cannavaro, Zambrotta, Camoranesi, Pirlo (at times) easily go over. Only Ribery and Zidane were impressive on the French side.

The heart says: Italy

I like Italy better than France. France is enjoying its last moment in the sun, the generation that won the 98 World Cup and the 2000 Euro Championship is winding down and don't need to win the cup again to prove a point. Only Zidane I grant winning it all.

The gut says: Italy wins 1-0

The Italian defense should beat out the best the French have to offer. It's not going to be a flat-out defense-first game, but scoring should be very difficult for either team none the less.

Fashion hypes and styles that need to end NOW

• Large sunglasses (when you look at pictures of your parents from the seventies you laugh at them for putting these atrocities on their nose; why would it be in any degree acceptable if you wear them now?)
  
• Mullets, wet look, out-of-bed look (why is it more acceptable to spend more time on your hair, to make it look like you didn't spend any time on your hair at all?)
• Nerdy thick-rimmed glasses (these were never good-looking in the first place. They are only acceptable now because the people who wear them are usually well paid, and have character because they don't really care what other people think)
• Polo shirts with the collar worn up/folded (you spend loads and loads of money on clothing that comes out of the factory as if you slept on your shirt for two days)
• Women's high-heel cowboy boots (nothing SCREAMS slut like a good pair of calf-high, cowboy boots; also you can only get away with it if you're between fifteen and seventeen years of age, which kinda defeats the purpose)
• Flower dresses (please refer to my first point; women who've got the body for it are exempt from this rant, but if you're not... you just look old-fashioned)

My Genetic Music Make-up

You can tell how people are by looking at their bookcase, and the books that they keep. I guess the same goes for music as well. if you went into my CD collection you'd find rock music, pop music, trance music, rap music, music by bands, music by solo artists, music that's funny, music that's somber, up-tempo music, and so-on. It's all over the place, so one could say I have no discerning taste in music.

Now the Music Genome Project is a nice initiative to collect information about music, and identifying as many attributes as needed to find a common thread. These attributes could be something like vocal harmony, melodic phrashing, or key tonality. If you get all these together every track reads off its unique combination of characteristics, like a human genome. Hence the name.

Pandora Internet Radio is based on this Music Genome Project. Now the thing is, if you provide Pandora a sampling of music you like, it will find similar music in its growing database of music. And it's really good too. Even if you provide just a couple of tracks you like, that's enough information to get introduced to music you've never heard of before, but will likely like very much. Thing is, the common thread is not genre, or artist; it's going to be based on all these attributes identified and rated. It makes up for some initially weird combinations, that actually work well.

Anyway, try it out for yourself. Sign-up, submit some music you like, or grab one of my stations to see what I'm listening to (as anniversary bonus they are listed on the right); see for yourself what your music taste is really like. Be warned: Broadband internet connection is kinda necessary...

Madness of Age Ratings

"The game Grand Theft Auto San Andreas is too violent and contains sex; therefore it should not be sold to minors. The movie Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back contains references to drug use, fellatio, and blasphemy and therefore should not be watched by anyone under eighteen. The movie Natural Born Killers incites youths to kill and maim, and therefore must not be distributed at all..."

I really don't get all these judgement calls about what someone should be allowed to see and what is not. I really value the power of my own judgement, taste and common sense, although I must admit the lack of control, lack of common sense and high degree of stupidity in some other people is quite baffling.

I'm pretty sure 80 percent of the general population is able to discern quite well for themselves what is tasteful and what is tasteless. I'm also sure that they can strike a balance between knowing when to butt out and when to intervene. These are the people that don't need to be treated like a child. These are the people who are able to tell reality from fiction. They don't need to be protected from bad influences, because they already can for themselves. Patronizing them only serves the opposite effect: they rebel.

Being told what to do when you don't feel like it's justified, is mightily insulting. When age rating systems stop being guidelines and start being dogmas, that's when our society is in trouble.

Portugal-Netherlands final thoughts

• The ONE game Johan Cruijff is not there, and Holland gets defeated badly. We should blame Jordy Cruijff for planning his wedding during the World Cup, so that his father couldn't be there in the stadium, so Netherlands couldn't draw on the presence from its finest player ever... Come on Jordy, why are you such a spoilsport...
  
• One of the last camera shots of the game: a Dutch supporter crying on the balcony, arms draped over the railing. Behind him is a shot of a glass barrier... completely shattered! Wonder what happened there...
• One of the rules of thumb I use during a game: if you hit the crossbar/post when you're tied or behind, you don't win. Case in point: Cocu's volley at the crossbar early in the second half. It's a matter of fate.
• So the officials get blamed for letting games get out of control... FIFA shouldn't give them so many things to remember in the first place... give yellow card for celebrating goals with shirt over the head... give yellow card for picking up a ball and carrying it four feet... give red card to player yelling at Blatter... look the other way when Switzerland is offside... make sure Brazil gets to the final, no matter how badly they play... etcetera, etcetera

Stop the group processes!

Impressive characters and commanding institutions have the ability to attract huge followings. Sometimes joining up requires very little effort, but there are instances where people have to give up something to be able to join. It might be a matter of principles, or a matter of cash, or something even more serious.

People simply have to join groups, follow leaders, belong. People need a sense of connection to other people, or else the loneliness would make them crazy. People need direction and stability to get themselves forward. Finally people need to feel safe, and there's definitely safety in numbers when you're part of the same group.

The danger in this is that one's responsibilities are diminished opposed to the purpose in the group. For fear of getting kicked out of the group or punishment, people may be dismissive regarding obvious weaknesses in the group. The very reason for the group to exist, is also its biggest threat: the inherent unwillingness to change and adapt to survive. Groups tend to reduce individualism to the point where it breeds only yes-men, followers and zealots.

The notion of people having original ideas, being unique characters and being a role-model is thrown out of the window in groups. That kind of defeats the purpose of building groups.

What's the main thing I want to say... groups are very much a part of our society. We don't survive without them. But we should be so strong that we know to own up for what we believe in, even if it is opposed to the group. We should take responsibility for our own actions, not hide behind group processes. Yes-men don't deserve any accolades.

A wallet full of ambitions

Way back I measured success as being extremely, wealthy rich. I still want to do a lot to get there, but my ambitions have their limits I realize. They stretch to the point where I am still confident about myself, comfortable in my surroundings and challenged just enough to not get complacent.

I realize other people have different limits set, up to the point where they objectively go farther, harder and faster to their goals, and with more dedication. Or the other way around, people who have more modest goals, and thus spend less time and effort to achieve them.

The degree of success thus has another dimension; how much can you achieve, given the ambition level you have? I guess the more you get and the less effort you spend, the better off you are, and thus the more successful.

I fully adhere to the notion that you need to spend something to get something. There’s always a cost involved. You don’t get something for nothing.

Whatever you are spending, whatever you are willing to spend, is key here. You can trade sleep, free time, morals, ideals for achievement of your goals. Some are willing to spend less, others more.

People with lots of talent can be more efficient, than people with little. Your currency so to speak depends on how you define yourself as a person. I personally emphasize being able to justify my actions to myself. I can play politics, but I keep it business. I can spend lots of time at work, as much at least as my body will let me. I prefer to think on my own, and be creative, rather than being thought for. I give proper respect to people who’ve helped, and inspired me. I don’t tell everything, because to reach a goal I am fully aware that sometimes silence and ignorance are more constructive.

These are my ground rules. Within these boundaries I have my wallet so to speak.

The Streak is still alive

With the Hurricanes winning the Stanley Cup, the streak of correctly predicted pro sports finals runs up to four. The Gut Rules!

However, the streak will likely end tonight when Dallas hosts Miami in the NBA Finals. The Heat lead the series 3-2 and can win it all in Texas.

Ah... a 4-1 record predicting matches ain't bad I guess.

The end of the traffic jam

If TomTom wanted to, they could end all traffic problems, without so much as an extra satellite up-link. All they have to do, is make sure all their devices are linked to their central GPS system, and collect everyone's routing information. Then at any given time they could send everyone to their respective destinations, working out the optimal path for the entire flow of traffic. This means two people starting at the same point and heading to the same destination within the same timeframe, could be doing completely different routes.

That would radically shift our responsibilities; TomTom would tell us and in fact control us where to go. In that case, we have two choices: go along with the machine, or just turn it off.

A Good Thing

It is a Good thing in this time of casual relationships and divorces, that getting married is still held in high regard.

It is a Good thing that people can cease to be cynical and make something work, despite all the temptations and distractions around them.

It is a Good thing to say I Do

I didn't want you to know that

Have you noticed how much control you have in e-mails? You get to order around anyone just by putting them on the recipient list; you control who knows what by leaving them on or off it as well. Not to mention blank carbon copies and or mailling lists, where you control if people can contact each other as well. Ah... the power of the address list. A literal who's who in the universe that is you.

Sometimes who receives a particular mail, says far more than the actual message contained within.

Bad for your health

The first thing I see when I step out the door, is a snackbar

The downfall starts here

Two vents that were thought to be somewhere else...