You can take the longest of times to get over a person. At first such a thing would be hard and awful, but at some point it'd get better. You'd be either at peace with the situation or get numb. Either way, you deal.
In the latter case though, it might be very inconvenient when you meet this person again. Especially if you live on the mainland, where pretty much meeting anyone the first time is a matter of luck, you don't expect to meet someone again if you don't force it. In this case a renewed encounter is a peculiar fate indeed.
Suddenly what was once numb, starts throbbing again like a migraine head ache. And so you have to do the whole 'dealing-with' process all over again... or you continue where you left off... except now with some more regrets for lost time.
I advise you to see the movie Before Sunset before such a thing occurs. I already mentioned this sometime before. It can give you a lot more inspiration and context. It can give you hope. It can help initiate a conversation about things that are important. It can help bring you peace, especially if you happen to be a basket case that listens to these words of wisdom:
"regret for the things you did can be tempered by time, but the regret for the things you didn't do, is inconsolable."
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
That didn't take long
You know our sportscasters can be very sore losers.
Here's this Frenchman... his name is Alain Bernard, a true monster of a man. He's 24-years old, and he happens to swim quite fast. In fact he's now the world record holder in 50 m and 100 m freestyle, and European champion in both distances. He achieved this in Eindhoven, the Netherlands.
Now the previous world record holder was a Dutchman by the name of Van Den Hoogenband. He was out sick this past week.
Today our sportscaster implied that our new French master of the freestyle was on the dope, just after winning the European 50 m title. Although he didn't really want to say it, because it was "too early"... he still placed the doubt in all the viewers' minds.
Can't you leave a guy alone for once? If it was another Dutchman you would never have made such a remark! Let the appropriate authorities take care of this, and we'll hear about it soon enough.
Here's this Frenchman... his name is Alain Bernard, a true monster of a man. He's 24-years old, and he happens to swim quite fast. In fact he's now the world record holder in 50 m and 100 m freestyle, and European champion in both distances. He achieved this in Eindhoven, the Netherlands.
Now the previous world record holder was a Dutchman by the name of Van Den Hoogenband. He was out sick this past week.
Today our sportscaster implied that our new French master of the freestyle was on the dope, just after winning the European 50 m title. Although he didn't really want to say it, because it was "too early"... he still placed the doubt in all the viewers' minds.
Can't you leave a guy alone for once? If it was another Dutchman you would never have made such a remark! Let the appropriate authorities take care of this, and we'll hear about it soon enough.
Friday, March 21, 2008
5 best things to take from Curacao
- If you get the DJ to come down from his booth, and kick your ass in a crunk battle, you are a damn fool. If he puts you down verbally as well, you really have taken it too far. You lose buddy.
- Imagine a Daihatsu Sirion 1.0. Imagine a rocky mountain road with steep inclines (30%) and valleys, barely wide enough for the car, and with tight and blind hairpin corners. Imagine there's a speed limit of 25 kmh. Now imagine driving twice that speed.
- True friendship is true sacrifice. Putting your balls out there to dry to fulfill a promise, is the most touching thing one person can do for another.
- Things are peaceful when you are at the top... but there's not much you can do up there. The journey up (and for that matter the journey down) was what made that peace worthwhile.
- What's that damn ayeayeayeaya song called?
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Contrasting worlds
In the western societies people are judged by their achievements. People here make resumes, which point out key points that he or she has done. People make plans for the coming year what they want to prove or do. People admire others who have completed projects successfully, or have achieved their goals in life, have great house, a great car, a great family.
On the flip side, it also means you don't mean much if you don't achieve anything over here. Or at least achieve something that is admirable in the western society: status, wealth, glory, legacy.
Now contrast this to countries on the African continent, or the Caribbean, or any of the poorer third world countries. People here do not admire the same things we do in the west. People go about their lives, do what they have to to do to survive. Anything else is gravy. Long term thinking is not necessary, because they won't be around to experience it.
Their lives are just as significant as ours, but by our standards and from our perspective, they haven't and will not achieved much. To be frank it's too warm in the third world to do much past basic survival. Yet people are calm, and if they achieve that basic level, they can get around quite nicely. They don't have to make resumes, participate in the rat race, pay ludicrous taxes, worry about menial things like kindergarten lists, Britney's latest album, or economic downturns. In fact it was already mentioned to me that western societies are far colder and harder than a third world society.
In fact given the choice, would you move out? Would you leave behind a world of achievement to a world of comfort and warmth?
On the flip side, it also means you don't mean much if you don't achieve anything over here. Or at least achieve something that is admirable in the western society: status, wealth, glory, legacy.
Now contrast this to countries on the African continent, or the Caribbean, or any of the poorer third world countries. People here do not admire the same things we do in the west. People go about their lives, do what they have to to do to survive. Anything else is gravy. Long term thinking is not necessary, because they won't be around to experience it.
Their lives are just as significant as ours, but by our standards and from our perspective, they haven't and will not achieved much. To be frank it's too warm in the third world to do much past basic survival. Yet people are calm, and if they achieve that basic level, they can get around quite nicely. They don't have to make resumes, participate in the rat race, pay ludicrous taxes, worry about menial things like kindergarten lists, Britney's latest album, or economic downturns. In fact it was already mentioned to me that western societies are far colder and harder than a third world society.
In fact given the choice, would you move out? Would you leave behind a world of achievement to a world of comfort and warmth?
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Courageous... or masochistic
It's easy to just get up to your neck in the muck of the normal. People can easily spend some forty years at a job, being perfectly content with their place in the organization. Or people could find themselves living in one place for their entire lives, and not bat an eyelid about it. Or live their lives exactly the same way from year to year, go to the same places every weekend, take the same routes and bus lines, meet the same group of people everytime.
It is quite human to do things like this. It's easy, it's the way of least resistance, and best of all, most people do it, so nobody feels bad.
If however you're a bit more restless, you'd need a fairly constant influx of new influences at regular intervals. And if those are not forthcoming, you would have to get them yourself. That requires you to start something new, be it learning a new skill, read a new kind of book, go to a place you've never been before.
You in some way or fashion move away from your comfort zone, maybe into a place where you indeed shouldn't be. It takes some courage to take the first step, and some more courage to persist in what you want to achieve, no matter how big or small. You would have to show a little more bravery if you start new things alone, without the support and guidance of friends, people in the know.
You'd need even more courage if the new thing is something most other people already know. You'd find yourself not just out of your comfort zone, but also at a disadvantage. It's like a sports team agreeing to never play home games. You could find yourself at a party, where everybody knows each other already, has history together... and then there's you with no knowledge of what is going on, and feeling and probably looking out-of-place.
In fact, courage may not even figure in here. It's more a matter of masochism. Are you willing to undergo solitude, frustration, just to experience something new?
I can't think of anything that's more human, and of a measure that's more defining of human character that that.
It is quite human to do things like this. It's easy, it's the way of least resistance, and best of all, most people do it, so nobody feels bad.
If however you're a bit more restless, you'd need a fairly constant influx of new influences at regular intervals. And if those are not forthcoming, you would have to get them yourself. That requires you to start something new, be it learning a new skill, read a new kind of book, go to a place you've never been before.
You in some way or fashion move away from your comfort zone, maybe into a place where you indeed shouldn't be. It takes some courage to take the first step, and some more courage to persist in what you want to achieve, no matter how big or small. You would have to show a little more bravery if you start new things alone, without the support and guidance of friends, people in the know.
You'd need even more courage if the new thing is something most other people already know. You'd find yourself not just out of your comfort zone, but also at a disadvantage. It's like a sports team agreeing to never play home games. You could find yourself at a party, where everybody knows each other already, has history together... and then there's you with no knowledge of what is going on, and feeling and probably looking out-of-place.
In fact, courage may not even figure in here. It's more a matter of masochism. Are you willing to undergo solitude, frustration, just to experience something new?
I can't think of anything that's more human, and of a measure that's more defining of human character that that.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Sticking around
When people leave where they work, and the market is good, several phrases come to mind:
In fact, I have a hard time believing a good score correlates strongly with a low attrition rate. Other dimensions should become a factor. Self-perception for one, which gives a person perspective. Mood, which increases the probability of extreme opinions. Attractiveness of the local environment, which makes scores higher than otherwise, as will respect; sense of belonging; feasibility of goals (likely salary raises and promotions or business growth and revenue).
As always, such an engagement report's findings are valid for about twenty seconds. After which the results are pretty much outdated. For example, such a report does not explain why we are still here.
- rats leaving a sinking ship
- the good guys leave, the bad ones stay
- the grass is greener on the other side
In fact, I have a hard time believing a good score correlates strongly with a low attrition rate. Other dimensions should become a factor. Self-perception for one, which gives a person perspective. Mood, which increases the probability of extreme opinions. Attractiveness of the local environment, which makes scores higher than otherwise, as will respect; sense of belonging; feasibility of goals (likely salary raises and promotions or business growth and revenue).
As always, such an engagement report's findings are valid for about twenty seconds. After which the results are pretty much outdated. For example, such a report does not explain why we are still here.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Something obvious
I don't think it's possible to tell people how to feel, no matter how hard politicians, managers, bishops, parents etc., try. Unless you've had military training at resisting torture, you are going to feel as your gut takes you.
However I do believe that people can be helped to understand their own emotions, which is an entirely different approach. You seek to understand, and help to grasp the previously untouchable. It's also a much slower process, and depending on the character and the emotion might take years, even a lifetime to fully develop. But it also causes less irrational conflict then just being told what to do or what to feel.
However I do believe that people can be helped to understand their own emotions, which is an entirely different approach. You seek to understand, and help to grasp the previously untouchable. It's also a much slower process, and depending on the character and the emotion might take years, even a lifetime to fully develop. But it also causes less irrational conflict then just being told what to do or what to feel.
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