Friday, December 19, 2008

Funny quotes from 2008

From the Funny Department:
  • "BS, M.S., Ph.D: bullshit, more shit, piled higher and deeper" (stole it from Ben's mom)
From the world of epiphany:
  • The more money you have, the less you actually need spend.
  • There are no goals. Just be in the moment.
From the department of cheesy, but still good:
  • A real friend is one who walks in, while the rest of the world walks away
  • Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (Einstein)
From the department of DRM MUST DIE:
copa Oct 15th 2008 11:51AM: giving a metaphore for EA's DRM practices.

"This clearly is not a solution to piracy."

You clearly know nothing about running a business. I run a convenience store, and know a thing or two about stopping criminals.

Every time someone shoplifts beer from my store, I implement policies that make it less convenient for paying customers to buy shit from me. I require customers to show me two forms of ID, and give me their Social Security number before they can buy stuff. Also, I have a guy who stands in the parking lot and blocks their car for five minutes before letting them leave.

Unfortunately, my store's annual revenue has actually dropped $60,000 in the year since I started implementing these policies. Also, shoplifting has increased 50%. When I caught one of these criminals, he claimed he would have paid for the beer, but he just didn't want to give me his social security number. I hope he get ass-raped in prison.

Anyway, the revenue drop at my store just illustrates how unchecked shoplifting is going to destroy my business. Obviously, the solution is to implement more draconian policies so I can eliminate shoplifting completely.

Starting tomorrow, I will gut-punch all paying customers at the point of sale. That will give the shoplifters something to think about.

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