Consultants Q&A

Consultants like us have a special way of answering questions. It's not really taught or anything, but it seems to be innate to everyone who's been in the business for a while. It is also kinda hard to explain without powerpoint presentations and inch-thick reports, but I can provide some examples of how it works:

Q: Have you eaten those cookies?

A: Well, yesterday I went out to dinner at this quaint little place at the old harbour, where the old trade mansion used to be, and I had such a great meal, five courses mind you, that I couldn't possibly eat a bite more, even today.

and here's another one:

Q: Can you tell me how I look in this dress? (obviously this comes from a woman asking her boyfriend consultant)

A: The fabric is first-rate, designed in Milan by Sergio Commelletti, and expertly tailored to the wearer with hours of handcraft.

The common characteristics are that:

• although you don't get a straight answer, technically there's no lying involved
• if you completely dissect every little aspect of the answer you will find the question answered; it just takes a long time and the person who asks the question usually just gives up
• the consultant always displays something of his expertise/background/network in the answer in some subtle, yet completely over-the-top way; this knowledge almost never relates to the question asked
• there's a lot of CYA (cover-your-ass) tactics involved, so the answer is mired in grey areas, neutral assessments, pros and cons, yin and yang, win-win, sources and bibliography etc.
  

So, in other words: good luck trying to get a simple yes or no out of me.