My Idea For A Facebook App

Writing small Apps for iPhone, Facebook, MSN, Hyves is booming business now. It's not a big investment, the per-unit revenues are relatively small, but if your App catches on, potentially millions and millions of people will bring cash into your coffer. All you need is a good idea.

So here's my idea, which no doubt already exists in some shape or form, or which will be pilfered the moment I post this.

People always take great enjoyment from setting friends up whom they think would go together well. In the past they would set up a blind date between the two, or bring the two in one space in a convenient get-together.

Now for our internet social networks we could have a similar setup. I have a huge amount of contacts, and if I happen to think that two of them who don't know each other directly, should get into contact, I should be able to link them. That link would contain an invitation to bring the two into a chat, and if the connection is successful, the two would be linked themselves, and I would get credit (and an invitation to the wedding).

The app should be able to track the number of successful / failed connections you made, which tells you how good of a matchmaker you are.

Sure beats spending a tenner per month on a dating site... unless you have no friends, or your friends enjoy setting you up with utter catastrophes.

Best quotes of 2009

"There is no problem about leadership in Italy. The Holy Father tells us what to believe, our teachers tell us what to think and our fathers tell us how to behave." - anonymous Italian businessman

-- Barry Tomalin, Mike Nicks [The World's Business Cultures and How to Unlock Them]

Microsoft's VP of Interactive Entertainment Business in Europe, Chris Lewis, tells GI.biz that the removal of the HDMI cable from the Elite packaging was to enable more "flexibility to consumers who can then decide which type of cable they want for their specific gaming and TV screen set-up." Pardon us, but that's like saying Sub-Zero ripping out your spine gives your body more "flexibility." Of course, the drawback is that you're dead.

-- Alexander Sliwinski [Joystiq]

Greatness is mostly timing, which is mostly luck.

-- Scott Adams [Dilbert Blog]

The only place a software designer would typically prefer a picture over a thousand words is in a museum.
-- Alex E. Bell [Death by UML Fever @ ACM Queue]

"An artist listens to his inner calling and hopes the public agrees. A business person listens to the audience and gives them what they want."

-- Scott Adams [Dilbert Blog]

Transformers 2 on Blu-Ray

Michael Bay really messed up a lot of people's childhood memories. Basically he remade a cartoon show with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, but forgot the basic tenets that made the show great in the first place. The plot was neither here nor there, the addition of the twins was resoundingly stupid, and the way they randomly introduced and killed off characters made this a spectacular, but ultimately forgettable experience.

Now we've got the Blu-ray... which basically does little alleviate the movie's failings. But why let me tell you, when Topless Robot can do that perfectly well.

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/06/transformers_fun_facts.php

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/06/actual_genuine_worst_moments_in_transformers_2.php

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/06/trs_transformers_2_pre-review_rant.php

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/06/tr_review_transformers_revenge_of_the_fallen.php

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/06/bonus_robs_transformers_2_faqs.php

2009 in Review: Video Games

The running theme of this year is waiting. All the proper games we want, such as Final Fantasy XIII, Gran Turismo 5, Diablo III, Bioshock 2, Bayonetta, StarCraft II, are all not coming this way until next year. The reasons for this are many and varied. Some games are still mired in development hell, others are scared of major competition, or the economic downturn, or the holiday season and Black Friday.

What we are left with this year are titles like Uncharted 2, Forza 3, New Super Mario Wii, Street Fighter IV, Resident Evil 5, The Sims 3, Killzone 2, Left 4 Dead 2, Dawn of War 2, Ratchet and Clank Future... sense a theme here?

And the one game everybody was afraid of, politicians for its controversial content, game publishers for its ability to completely drown out all other hype, gamers for its cost and lack of PC dedicated servers, Modern Warfare 2 did eventually end up to be the biggest release of the year. Why? I really couldn't tell you. But then again I'm not that big on FPS anyway.

Maybe this year's theme is the discussion about digital distribution. The DRM discusssion has been pulled to the background, replaced by publishers who now have to make the decision whether or not to leave retail channels behind. It's a big decision, because it fundamentally changes the playing field and turns it upside down. I've been buying more online than ever, and it pays off I must say. Retail channels actually have very little added value in this kind of market. The only problem is that I still need to be able to backup whatever I buy. I shouldn't need to buy a game I already bought again if my computer gives up the ghost (and that tends to happen a lot). Maybe cloud computing will help, but do I really want to be so reliant on the cloud?

Also: Windows 7 and the reboot of the PlayStation 3

Top 10 Games I played in 2009:

1. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
2. Killzone 2
3. Warhammer 40.000: Dawn of War II
4. Guitar Hero: Metallica
5. UFC Undisputed 2009
6. Street Fighter IV
7. Red Alert 3 Uprising
8. Batman Arkham Asylum
9. inFamous
10. LittleBigPlanet

2009 in Review: Music

The year in music seems like it lacks its own character. Actually it's been pretty nostalgic, and most of it has to do with the death of Michael Jackson. Everywhere you hear his songs, he's all over the billboard charts, he's at the movies. And yet, it basically left everybody else in the dust. What did the year 2009 have to offer apart from MJ?

iTunes finally getting rid of the DRM was a godsend, and it must have been a huge boost to their bottom line. I finally started downloading music for money, and with me many more people did so. Now I haven't heard any confirmation about those numbers, but I can imagine why these numbers would be terribly inconvenient for record companies to have public. Then they would have to admit that DRM is really hurting sales more than it protects their assets.

And with people saying that music rhythm games are dead, we've never seen as many new releases as this year. Guitar Hero 5, Rock Band Beatles, DJ Hero. I even shelled out for Guitar Hero Metallica. And truly it's a powerful idea that with a little hand-eye coordination you too can rock out with Robert Trujillo... Maybe there's a little market saturation going on. And you know, the fallout of the economic downturn is still taking up headlines, so people might not want to shell out a hundred bucks to buy a plastic drumset.

Finally, I have a new appreciation for J-Pop! You really can't listen to it for long starting off, but there's more depth and quality to it once you get it. And we like Japanese female artists. We do.

Most Valuable Artist 2009: Lady Gaga looks weird, dresses funny, and her songs are eccentric to say the least. I was pretty high on her first song, truly thinking it was going to be her lone and only hit single before dropping back into obscurity. But then she brought out another single, dressed up in a failed christmas ornament, and released another hit single, and then yet another... Now she's joining forces with Miss Sasha Fierce, to becoming the most dominant artist of the year.

Band du Jour: I truly hate reality shows. In fact later this month I'll have an entire post to say something about reality shows. But I think Stereo is hitting high marks, and rightly so. What can I say? Strong female vocals, powerful guitar riffs. That's pretty much all I need. Good enough for me to forgive their transgression of being on a reality show to get formed.

Artist I'm embarassed about liking: Jordin Sparks has this strange gift. She's not exactly what I'd call my type... but she's brought out singles that just manage to stick into your head, and not leave. Same goes a little bit for Nikki, but her body of work is not as great as Jordin's.

Up and Comers: This year I'm high about Paloma Faith (an excellent former iTunes single of the week), Laura Jansen, and Pixie Lott. Okay, I admit that Lott's insanely short hot pants in her debut clip have something to do with it. Raphael Saadiq are also strong new entries this year.

Top 5 singles of 2009:

1. Muse - Uprising
2. Paloma Faith - Stone Cold Sober
3. Kyteman - Sorry
4. Laura Jansen - Single Girls
5. Jordin Sparks - Battlefield

Notable entries for no other good reason but pleasant memories

• Miss Li - Bourgeois Shangri-la (Tokyo / iPod nano Gen. 5)
• Yael Naim - New Soul (Nice)
• Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind (Yankees win the World Series)

True Self-assuredness

When you're a consultant you tend to move around a lot, see a lot of different companies, meet a lot of different people. Same for me.

One thing that always gets me, is this: No matter who you speak to, no matter which client you meet, every single one insists:

• their company is the most exciting environment this side of the Middle East
• the assignment they hired you for, is so unique, none of the traditional ways to handle it will work
• the project is always a 'speeding train' that you have to leap on to
• ...and it is so complex, difficult and important, you'd think we're curing cancer
• in fact, we don't even know why we hired you, because only, and The Rock means only, the best of the best of the best will be able to thrive here, let alone survive

I just shrug, nod, turn around and do my job.

Give Thanks - The Truths Are Here

http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/08/21/ponder-this-35-truisms-that-couldnt-be-more-true/

Thanks Lemondrop! Thanks Ruminations.com!

The End of Linkedin

I tend to keep up random statistics, and the one I'm taking note of now is the "number of new users in my network" on Linkedin... you know, MySpace for grown-ups. The number is supposed to mean how many people my linked contacts are connecting to, plus the people they are connecting to themselves.

Lately I've been getting more and more invites, yet the number of new users seems to be trending down. Which means that:

• people have stopped finding new people outside of the existing network
• everybody is actually already in the network
• nobody cares anymore

I think the latter seems to be the most probable. If everyone and his dog are on Linkedin, why bother? It's good to know what everybody's up to, but anything over 50 people, I'm gonna have trouble tracking. So good luck those guys and gals with 500+ connections, I'm sure you'll keep in touch.

Every once in a while people need to move. Change of scenery and all that. Smallworld would be better.

That was fast

BBC always has a knack for producing quality retrospectives for individuals, for events and for entire eras. Their recap series about the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties are top notch, and always culturally relevant (albeit of course a bit UK centric). No wonder other countries, including Holland, followed suit with their own recap shows.

BBC is now showing a recap about the noughties (which has a nice double entendre sound to it), which is a nice little retread of the recent history... and scarily it just made me realize that the decade is at an end... I barely realized we were in it, and now we are just a couple of weeks removed from the next one.

It also means that we won't just have our regular, annual reviews this December, but we'll also be burdened with reviews of the last decade. See what you did since the start of the new century, heck, the Millennium.

So Bitch Is A Good Word Now?

I missed the note where you can call women like this, and not get slapped around for it. Apparently though Akon and David Guetta are doing it, and not even the weak cop-out bee-atch.

It's all about context I guess. A couple of years ago I did get slapped for it. Now she wants to get a slap... on the butt.

Father, Hero, Nuff Said

I have this slightly annoying trait of turning on hero mode whenever women around me start crying, getting overly excited, anxious; or something bad happens to them; or if they just need help... terribly. At that point I pretty much become my father, or more accurately, any father with daughters, fighting to keep them safe, trying to solve their problem or listening to their plight.

Why is this slightly annoying? Because it is FREAKIN' TIRING trying to solve every girl's problems. And I don't even get to see the upside, because I'm BLOODY SUPERMAN, which means I'm too freakin' noble to want any rewards in return. And there's not a lot girls need to do either to trigger this conduct. Just show a little cleavage, turn on the waterworks, or look a little bit like you're in despair, and there I go.

Of course, this is totally an invitation to seduce your way to my attention and my services.

HHG: World Series 2009

Quickly now, because I seem to be on a losing streak of late.

Head: Yankees

Heart: Yankees

Gut: Phillies

Here's why. The Yankees had the best record in baseball, higher ranked players in batting and pitching, and had the best home record in baseball. Also the Yankees look very fit to make their new stadium an impenetrable fortress of doom. Wouldn't it be something, in their first year there, they would take the gold immediately?

And everybody has completely forgotten about A-Rod coming clean about his steroid use at the start of the season. Let alone that he used to suck in the playoffs, and now he doesn't. How quickly people turn.

I'm not sure any team can repeat in pro sports these days. The Patriots are the last team to do it I think. The Red Wings failed last year. The Celtics didn't make it at all last year. So I don't really see it happening to the Phillies this year either. It's just that Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jim Rollins and Cliff Lee scare me. If the Phillies steal one of the first two games in New York, they should take it home all the way. Otherwise the home advantage of the Yankees will be too great.

Rest will probably not be an issue. It's gonna snow, rain, hailstorm and everything, so CC and Cliff will each be pitching at least thrice this series.

A new retail market for computer games

The time of selling PC games in retail stores has come. It's already like this in the States, where only console video games are sold over the counter. Japan is following quite rapidly, although PC games have never been as popular there as over here. Our market will soon follow, being replaced by the more sensible online retail option. That to me seems fine, apart from a couple of caveats.

• consumers are expected to still pay full price (45+ euros) for new computer games. That's a ridiculously high amount of money, considering that the market and the client end-user agreement has changed. Computer games nowadays need to be activated by the publisher (cf. Spore, Mass Effect, every Steam game), which means someone else outside of myself gets to decide if I can play this game today, tomorrow, next year, ten years from now. I used to pay good money ten years ago for a game disc I own, and can still install today. If I can't hold on to this self-control over when I play a game, I expect to be compensated. If a publisher decides to keep prices as they are, while taking away liberties I used to have, I cease to buy their product.
• same goes for expiring products, limited downloads and other similar avenues. This essentially means I'm renting, and I shouldn't be expecting to pay full price for that either.
• the online offering used to be truly global. No matter where you are in the world, you can buy a title, as long as you are willing to pay for shipping. Now the Steams of this world are only offering particular content to particular regions, while barring it from others. If the reason for this makes sense, I'm fine with that. I don't need to see any right-wing stuff in the latest releases. If it's just to make a buck, or to prevent losing a buck, then no. Let me decide if content is worth buying.
• finally, unless offline retail actually has something to add to the content of any form of entertainment, then there's no reason for online product to be more expensive. Retail channels can help out a product by having location, distribution, marketing and so on and so forth. But it's ludicrous to force online retailers to simply carry higher prices, just to protect the offline channel. That's market pollution.

At some point in the next four years PC games will only be sold online. Soon after, the eighth generation of video game consoles (Sony PS4, Xbox III) will lose their disc-based content as well. At least, as long as they make prices more reasonable. 80 euros for Uncharted 2 Special Edition is too much. For that amount of money, I expect to get an escort service, a bottle of champagne, and a limousine.

(So indeed, PSP Go is a bit too early for the party. As Scott Adams said sometime ago, "success is mostly timing, which is mostly luck".)

Some Typical Business Measures

• Reducing complex principles to three meaningless bulletpoints
• DATIC: Dropping acronyms to increase credibility
• Shrinking the box to think outside it

(Whoever came up with this, is freakin' brilliant... and cynical)

Why I See Things Differently

I'm sure I'm late to the party, but here's a study that explains why I see things differently.

Pay attention to section 1.5 for some tests.

What makes an on-line game successful

Developers take note: Successful online gaming means that you have to adhere to the following rules:

• make your connectivity code flawless. It already takes a long time to find a game you can play online. When you finally find one, you don't want it bogged down by buggy, laggy, shitty code. I hated Little Big Planet's online features because the connection time was soooo looong. It almost looked (and in fact it was) as if the PS froze. And even when it did come on, the connection nearly always failed, so I ended up playing on my own anyway. In other words, if my first online game isn't running well within the first five minutes, I quit and never come back.
• don't endlessly look for players. Give me feedback as quickly as possible what you found. Keep looking in the background, but at least give me the opportunity to do something else, like skip back a few screens, or customize my player or something. SFIV is very quick in looking for players, which is great, and also gives me feedback very quickly. I don't mind if it doesn't find me a game to play. Again LBP did it wrong. When it is looking for players, the game is basically off-limits. You can't cancel, and you have to wait for a frickin' timeout.

I think the Uncharted 2 multiplayer option is great. You're into the game quickly, it gives you constant feedback, connectivity has never frozen on me, or broke down, and I have the option of cancelling if I find I have other things to do. And the game is pretty funny to boot. (That, or one of the players was really discussing his hemorrhoid medicine with his pharmacist while he was playing.)

When A Bank Dies, Who Thinks About The Children?

The crash of the DSB Bank makes painfully clear how easy it is to bring down an institution. It's a crisis in pocket-sized form. Just tell everyone at the bank that their money isn't safe/profitable/is getting stolen, and if more than a critical mass of people believe you, the bank is a goner.

I think at some point some economics undergraduate will make a thesis on calculating the critical percentage of bank capital for it to survive. It probably already exists, but will have to be updated with this new business case. Seriously. It only took one news article and a television interview to bring the house down.

Strangely enough the imminent foreclosure of the bank first brought attention to the athletes (ice skaters and soccer players) who were sponsored by the bank. Like they were hurt most.

The athletes were given more attention than the 2000 people who are about to lose their jobs.

Hell. The bank owner's dog got more attention than the bank employees.

Running out of colours

It seems every major illness has its own colour now. We've got red for AIDS, we've got yellow for cancer, we've got pink for breast cancer (actually those coloured ribbons already seem to have divvied up the spectrum).

And you can't just pick up new colours either, because green is for the environment (or maybe blue is the new green, I'm not fully up-to-date).

And then you've got all kinds of black label, white editions, gold and platinum... at some point all the major colours are going to be taken. (Actually they already are.) What if you have a worthwhile cause to promote, but no major colour to promote it with?

You end up taking some weird shade like Periwinkle.

Fail.

8 Observations From Japan

• The Japanese know how to cook. They know their food, and they know how to do it well. Their cuisine is one of the best in the world, they've got more Michelin stars than the French for crissakes. But why do they persist in making all these weird Kitkat (and here) and Pepsi Cola flavours?
• Everyone (under thirty) has either a Nintendo DS, a Sony PSP or a mobile phone in their hands at all times. They don't talk much.
• Every single baseball player on the home team has a song. If you're in the away section, every player from the away team has a song (the same song). If the home team sings, the away team is quiet, and vice versa.
• The politeness that the Japanese exhibit is hurting my neck (...from all the bowing).
• Japanese guys are shy. They tend to hide themselves in make-believe computer games, or in their work. No wonder Tokyo seems to have a serious women surplus. No wonder also that the Japanese population is declining.
• Pertaining to the previous point, quite a few women do know how to dress to impress. Yet the men don't notice (or can't show it). So now the women turn to cosplay, and dress up as maids or playboy bunnies or lolly popsicles.
• You'd think that after so much time with tourists and such, Tokyo might actually employ some competent English-Japanese translators for their signs. Currently these are way to funny (In restaurant: "Don't Pl(r)ay on the floor"; on escalator: "Don't hang baggage or children over the escalator.").
• J-Pop and Japanese party music is really too funny. It's also very child-like, but then again, the alternative is that we have to listen to Dutch folk music again.

Embarrassment will get you somewhere

Some people get embarrassed easier than others. Some don't mind walking around naked in public (usually in places like the Cote D'Azur), or don't mind being in the immediate vicinity of one. Some people will gladly try everything once, likely fail and fall flat on their faces, and get a great story out of it. Others take offense to everything that is uncomfortable to them, and get embarrassed just by you walking into their home with your shoes on.

It seems to me people who don't fell embarrassment at all are the ones with the greatest stories, and often the greatest successes. They just seem to take so many more actions, that others would simply not do. These are the opportunists, the positivists. But if you lean towards the other end of the scale, that's great too. People who are easily embarrassed are also people who tend to do what you ask, for risk of losing face. They will also not stab you in the back, for fear of getting caught.

In a sense, when I have to assign a financial post to someone in my team, I pick the person whose culture endures the most shame, and who is most easily embarrassed.

The right to complain

You know the people who just incessantly complain for the sake of it? That they have not enough money to take far away trips, that they have too many meetings, that they don't get the promotions they desire, that traffic is terrible, that the neighbour's cat is pooping all over the place...

Complaining does have a point. At some point you need to make clear what you think about a situation. And you can do it once. Maybe twice. But after the third time it just becomes a repetitive record player. The point of giving out the signal, is that something is done about it. Otherwise, complaining is just for the sake of it, irritating the hell out of everyone else.

If you've done nothing to improve upon a situation to complain about, if you didn't fix the car you've broken; if you were basically underperforming, so you didn't earn that promotion; if you complain about you fitness, but didn't exercise... you have not earned the right to complain about it. Complaining should be justified.

However, in the absence of complaining, it should not be inferred that you like the situation. It is merely tolerable. Last time I checked, tolerance does not equal love, want or even interest. I don't complain about the weather. That doesn't mean I want to be a weatherman, or that I wouldn't prefer the climate in the tropics. Not complaining doesn't equal liking.

Tell The Truth And Run

Funny how that works. You know what's wrong, and at some point you have to own up and bring the bad news to the fore. Unfortunately that means you play the bearer of bad news. And you know what happens to that messenger...

The answer to all your problems...

So apparently the way these employees are dealing with tough times in their company... is actually not dealing with them at all. Just fling yourself off the balcony from a ten story building.

It did however give pause to management of France Telecom, and its drive to push forward with reorganizations, layoffs and cutbacks. In short, if you don't agree with how things are going, then slit your own wrists in the company toilet. The downside of course then is, that you're dead.

Don't Touch My Stuff!!

What's with the hate (here and here for example) all of a sudden? Did women start using their men's razors to shave their armpit hair or something?

There's bound to be something in the water (or in this case, the "energy drinks"), otherwise I can't imagine these 6-foot plus, 250 pound guys suddenly putting the hurt on sub-5-foot, sub-100 pound girls, for seemingly no good reason.

Rearranging rationales

Funny observation.

Sometimes stuff happens. Natural disasters. Robberies. Missed promotions. The economy. Playoff losses. Cancer.

When it occurs to you, you have to deal with it. However, few people have a thought or an opinion about negative things happening to them. So when those things actually occur, you tend to rationalize these after the fact, you know, after the emotions have died down.

The more time passes, the more socially acceptable the rationalizations become. At first you're like: "Bitch quarterback couldn't throw a dent in a pack of butter." Later you're more like: "The Patriots gameplan for the defense did account for his off-pace passing game." And even more later, "It's just a game. There's more important things in life than a Super Bowl..."

And yet, this line of reasoning isn't really how we feel. We deserve the right to be angry or upset. We reserve the right to be unhappy. That's how the best songs get written.

How original DO you need to be

It's always difficult to say something to the next of kin when a loved one passes. You might end up with some cliches, because they tend to work somewhat. But after some time even such overuse will miss the intended effect... a level of comfort, a sense of support.

Then again, if you end up saying something truly original, is that what you really intended to do? Mustn't you actually utter a cliche ion the first place, just to get along? Would the bereaved actually notice a genuine thought actually entering their ears?

G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra

Truly the meek shall inherit the earth... or at least everybody who was a kid in the 1980s. With Transformers and G.I. JOE hitting the big screen, it's a wave of nostalgia that washes over us now. And I like it.

Case in point: Rise of Cobra. Definitely a loud, brash, action movie that will never win a lot of Oscars or awards of any serious kind. However there's some good fun to be had. Still I've had some thoughts during and after the movie:

• G.I. JOE adheres to the cardinal rule in Hollywood movie making: "when thou cast a black actor, he shall be either a big, bald tough guy, a suave muthafuckin' playa', or a comedy sidekick." In this case G.I. JOE had all three. God forbid an American movie has an actual black character with two dimensions.
• Forget about all the hi-tech weaponry (accelerator suits? WTF?). Just put hot women in skin tight leather outfits, or leave ample room for cleavage, and you'll win 9 out of 10 wars. And in the one case it's going to be girl-on-girl anyway, so everybody wins.
• Rachel can leave this hair color on for a while.
• In fact did they really have to make the sole female heroic character athletic, nerdy, independent, strong AND smart? That stuff is obviously written in fantasy, dude.
• Also because of the recession Peugeot, Citroen, Renault had a lot of cars still left in stock. And in order to bring the inventory levels back under control, the powers that be sold a shipload of them to G.I. JOE... to get destroyed.
• [SPOILER] Ehm... did the script writers lose track of time, and submit the screenplay to X-Men 1 instead? They should have let the bad guys escape, and unless they come up with an ingenious way for the Baroness to come back under Cobra control, and break out Destro and Cobra Commander, the dear writers put themselves in a bind I fear. It also means we're going to have a battle near Hoover Dam in the sequel, see Scarlet or Ana get swallowed by water. And we'll have the Last Stand in part three, after which we'll get treated to the obvious Snake Eyes spin-off (which would be freakin' awesome, apart from the fact that you can't really make a movie nowadays where the main character is a mute).
• Why doesn't Rex just use the nanomites on himself? He must be the biggest self-righteous prick that he only experiments on others. [END SPOILER]

Like Transformers 2, G.I. JOE is good enough for the Blu-ray treatment. But definitely not the special edition... unless the special edition contains Rachel Nichols in lingerie, and a hotel room reservation that is.

My New Favorite TV Show

There's one show on television... actually it's a full on channel, that just goes on and on for 24 hours a day, 5 days a week (because on Saturday and Sunday nobody does any trading)...

CNBC is great. You can have it on in the background, and seem like a true businessman. It's not so omnipresent, that you have to pay attention all the time. The ticker at the bottom will always keep you up to date with the latest, so you're never out of touch. And occasionally they will show an item that actually interests you.

As an added bonus the presenters are almost all gorgeous women. In fact, they are a bit distracting to say the least. You don't really pay attention to what they say anymore.

Anyway... watch it. Love it. Leave it on.

The Latest Hype in Management Country

Lately the MECE principle has been propping up a lot more in arguments and feedbacks in consultancy. For those of you who haven't been acquainted with the principle yet: it's an acronym that says Mutually Exclusive, Collectively Exhaustive. In my day job, people use it to give feedback on all kinds of decisions. As in:

"This memo is not very MECE."

"I think your analysis of these two options must follow MECE."

Of course when you first hear about this principle from your manager, you feign you know what it's about, but immediately you start looking for the wikipedia page, when he's not looking.

Then you read the page, and try to use what it says: when you present a collection, you must present attributes that are exclusive and exhaustive. In this way you keep the argument clear, pertinent and precise.

Unfortunately, when applied to consultancy, MECE as a principle is fundamentally flawed. The goal of the principle is to avoid ambiguity, but if anything, a consultant thrives on this. A consultant can be as exclusive and exhaustive as he wants to be. In fact the MECE principle in consultancy has more to do with political exclusivity and exhaustion, rather than logical.

I'm sure the MECE hype will blow over, once the consultant confront his manager with a MECE-approved memo, which proves to be unreadable, extremely difficult to follow, and ends up leading people to the wrong decision.

What happens in Pyongyang, Stays in Pyongyang

It has to be the feel-good story of the week, the two American journalists have been released from North Korean custody and have made it back to the USA. All it took was a visit from an ex-president, a dinner, and some conversation between old men.

But despite the official press release, I am quite interested in knowing what happened behind closed doors. Was money exchanged? Were any favours granted? Did they play a game of poker for it? Did Clinton promise Kim the new Apple iPod or something? Perhaps the last remaining tape of a Michael Jackson concert? Did Big Bill go all GI JOE on K-Jizzle?

Come on guys, WHAT HAPPENED THERE THAT CONVINCED KIM JONG IL TO FINALLY GIVE THOSE WOMEN A BREAK!!?? PEOPLE NEEDS TO KNOW!

Next they are going to send Clinton to the Gaza Strip to solve the crisis there over lunch, then fly him back over to Iran to settle the elections once and for all, and have him back in time for breakfast to automagically whistle the economic crisis away.

Now you're just being practical

The phrase 'being practical' gets banded about so many times it's ridiculous. Especially when things tend to look difficult, complex, time-consuming or just plainly a lot, this phrase gets thrown onto the table as a substitute for actually doing work, or actually taking hard decisions.

I propose we take the phrase back, and use it in its intended case... taking a common sense-stance, when none seemed appropriate.

The folly of having a sportscar in Holland

Driving a sports car is one of my favorite things to do. Big growling engine, exhilarating speed, and everyone around you looking jealous. Too bad those cars are hugely expensive.

Not too mention that owning one proves to be more of a headache than you realize. You can't just park it anywhere... well, you could, but you would spend a ton on fixing scratches and bumps. I couldn't just leave the car anywhere without it getting broken into. The gas prices are ridiculous, and if you would drive one economically, that would defeat the purpose of having sports car in the first place.

You can't drive a sports car really fast in Holland either. There are few roads that you can really drive fast on, and even if you can, you would have to bob and weave between all the traffic. Just pushing the pedal a little bit, puts you somewhere to the back of a truck.

And if you consider renting instead of owning... well, it's pretty much like paying for sex. You know the car has been driven around before, you pay an insubordinate amount of cash for thirty minutes, and when you're done, you're left broken by the car's stiffness.

Is it still called iterative, when you're treating it like a project

People have gotten used to working in projects, with a defined start and a definitive end. You would start off by deciding what to do, how to do it, and then plan accordingly. At the end of the project the results would be known, and given to the client. The client would then be happy... hopefully.

However it is more likely that as the project progresses, you will find that the desired results will not be met. Or that the client has changed his mind, or that the market environment has changed. Anyway it means your project has to face a tough schedule to still make the original deadline.

The promise of iterative project frameworks is that you will be able to act earlier on such changes. You have a mandate to change course and replan each iteration, because the project is scheduled as such.

And still these kinds of projects (or at least projects which are presumed to be of this kind) can fail to the very same problems iterative frameworks are supposed to solve. I've found these failures to have some common characteristics:

• Iterations are handled as if they were small, individual projects. Instead of having one big problem, people make several small ones. That in itself is not an issue, but...
• No feedback and no interaction between iterations means that a failure in one iteration reverberates in subsequent ones. There's no learning curve, because each iteration is self-contained.
• The client of a project is hardly involved in the iteration at all. Just at the very end. It places higher importance on the end of each iteration to meet its requirements each and every single time. What you end up with, is just a series of deadlines of similar status as if you would have one big deadline at the end of a non-iterative project.
• The organization, the company that the project is contained in, is not flexible enough to deal with the changes after each iteration. Sometimes people, tools, hardware and software need to shift each time. If the acquisition cycle for these is longer than the iteration itself, an iterative project framework will always fail.

As far as I can see people have difficulties understanding projects in the first place, let alone shifting mindsets to iterative working. It is a definite sea change, and people would just rather fall back into things they know (or think they know). That's why people make the same mistakes all over again, even when they think they're trying something new.

White out - In case your Facebook status is not good enough

It's the same old story. Boy meets girl. Girl teases boy. Boy and girl play around. Boy and girl say they like each other. Boy and girl go steady. Girl asks boy to stay the night. Boy sneaks out in the morning the first few times. Girl buys more expensive lingerie. Boy stays around longer. Girl finds a home for the two to live in. Boy and girl go to the bank to secure a mortgage. Boy and girl sign for a mortgage. Boy and girl live together in the house they bought together. Boy and girl start irritating each other. Boy and girl start fights. Boy doesn't come home anymore. Girl and boy break up. Girl whites out boy's name from the doorsign.

Standards

So we finally get around to getting universal chargers for mobile phones. However what do we do in the meantime with the old phones then? Are they going to offer me a universal adapter on the phone, which by the way won't be universal? Or should I get a new phone completely?

I do hope Apple joins the club, or will everybody hop on the iPhone/iPod charger trail?

Typical example of good idea, worse implementation.

Naivete, or the art of trust and respect

Having grown up in the city I always lock up my home, my car, my bike, OCD-style. I'm not always open armed to strangers and beggars. I even expect people around me to act the same.

Now when I move to more rural areas, people actually are nicer, and more open, and more welcoming to strangers. I even find it weird when they do so, without demanding or expecting something in return.

But when they move to the city, they really can't afford to act like home. If they do, they get robbed, stabbed, ripped off, thrown out and kicked to the kerb. However, they are not in the wrong. Their way is the right way. It just doesn't work anymore in a different environment, where values have gone south... or west... somewhere else than back home, out in the country.

Sad really. For us.

Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen

To start with, I did enjoy the The Revenge of the Fallen as a movie. I wouldn't say it's the best movie ever, I wouldn't even say it's the best movie I've seen this week on youtube. But as a night out, why not.

But let me argue that Michael Bay should stop messing around with my childhood. I mean, the proof is in the pudding:

• He actually managed to make the Transformer equivalent of Jar Jar Binks. Guys... There's a very good reason why Star Wars fans hate Jar Jar so much... BECAUSE HE IS FREAKIN' LAME. And so are the two bitches they call the Twins. I was actually rooting for whomever these Tonka Toys were fighting to rip them apart. Sadly, they made it to the end of the movie unscathed...
• By the way, how did these guys manage to beat up on Devastator for so long?
• WTF happened with Megan Fox's lips? Megan, there was nothing wrong with your lips to begin with. Why do you pain us so?
• But Megan, thanks for that beautifully gratuitous shot in the beginning of the movie.
• Girls, small word of advice. DO NOT inject fat into your lips. Big Fat Lips are NOT attractive. They make you look like you have a glass window permanently stuck to your face.
• Michael Bay seems to interpret the previous movie's criticism of not giving the Transformers themselves enough screen time, as "Let's give the audience MORE robots." And so he carted out a bunch of anonymous Transformers, who get destroyed pretty much within five minutes after introducing them. Movie 1 did have this problem already with the original Bonecrusher, who Optimus decapitates almost immediately. Now they're doing it pretty much all through the movie.
• Probably Megatron didn't do a lot of exercise during his stay on the ocean floor. Optimus was a freakin' Stone Cold Steve Austin '96-'98 now, handling Megatron, Starscream and Grindor at once. Optimus FINISHED OFF Grindor by ripping his head to pieces for chrissakes. Compare this to Movie 1, where Megatron dominated Optimus completely, right up until Shia put that Rubik's Cube thing in Megs' chest. It's probably best that Megatron does some extensive work out at the gym before coming back in the third movie.
• Optimus is a bit out of character... headshots? Neck snaps? Fatalities? Man, that would have never happened in the comics. That stuff is for Arnold Swarzenegger, not the leader of the Autobots.
• WHERE'S Anthony Anderson!? Dammit, we need him back!
• I'm not getting into that car Megan, Shia and that Leo guy were driving in while fleeing from the Pretender girl: the bloody airbags don't work! They ran the car into a lamppost, and nothing happened. It took a fall from about a 100 meters up, through the roof of a factory for the airbags to eject. Eh... that's not safe.

I will get this on Blu-ray obviously; but I wouldn't go for the Special XE Edition with ketchup and mustard.

Death of an Icon

...and it's not Michael Jackson I'm talking about, although it does have something to do with him.

The first news I heard was when I casually passed by CNN, and saw the breaking news header. Still at that point it read stuff like "cardiac arrest" and "in a coma". Entertainment sites, Twitter, had at that point already reported Jackson's death. Now normally I take news from gossip sites not as seriously as straight news, but this had me worried. Basically a very big number of sources knew something CNN didn't (or maybe didn't want to confirm yet).

Once the L.A. Times got on the globe, CNN had to follow along. By that time they were already too late. They were late to the party, and everybody already left.

CNN... poor poor CNN. Either you didn't want to act on rumours, and ended up missing the boat; or you didn't have your reporters in the right place, at the right time. Either way... CNN as the leading channel for news? I don't think that's the case anymore.

Dating Due Diligence

You really have to be careful nowadays in dating. With all these extended families, divorces, remarriages, children out of wedlock, it is entirely possible for you to make a pass at a cousin... if you're really unlucky you might end up with someone who's actually your great-aunt or -uncle.

So what can you do? If there's a good reason to talk to your parents and your grand parents about the extended family, this is it.

THAT'S HOW YOU PAY OFF A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

MICHAEL FREAKIN' SCHUMACHER IS THE STIG!!

Well... not exactly. But this is the definitive example of a shocker, truly a great payoff to a question that nobody really thought could be pulled off. WWE should be calling the BBC for tips how to do such a thing again, because they've been failing to do so for quite a while now...

Good Parenting

I'm quite sure that when you're a teen, or even a pre-teen, family gatherings with ooooold people (you know, people over thirty) are about as appealing as getting your hand stuck in a beehive. As a parent of such kids you have to be aware of that.

One way of keeping the kids under control is to give them a protable DVD player or a Nintendo DS. However if they keep staring/playing with these things during the gathering itself, aren't they losing out on a great opportunity to train a modicum of respect?

It's difficult though. On the one hand I don't want my kids to be disrespectful and rude; on the other hand I don't want them to act up if there's a viable means to keep them at ease.

Falling into place

Strangely enough, even the absolute worst that can happen, has a way of panning out. When faced with such a situation you can take immediate and decisive action, or you can just let it go in whichever direction it feels like going.

And then, whether you helped it or not, it lands into place.

Even now you have a choice. Do you act like it was your plan all along? Or have you let everything go to the fates?

Illusion of progress

The funniest thing I've heard all year, is management by crisis. When all around you breaks down, and everybody panics, doing something is better than doing nothing or throwing your hands up in the air in despair.

However the wisest thing I've heard all year is this: while exhilarating, "management by crisis values velocity over completeness. It sacrifices creativity for the illusion of progress."

When this period ends, and normal operations resume, we're left to pick up the pieces and start over. Much like the end of any disaster movie, that part tends to be boring, not worth the price of admission. There's not a lot of profit to be gained during this time, but ironically this is the time when most progress is made.

How having a job in management helps in real life

I have the luxury of working in management and working with people in management. These are people who enjoyed the same education I did, attended the same schools I did, went to the same jobs I have. 

It takes a special kind of person to be in this kind of position. Not everyone can do it for sure. These are people that can be decisive, supporting, helpful and successful, all at the same time. These are traits that help in a professional context, and also traits that help in a personal context.

You'll notice this when you find yourself having lost your passport in a strange country, mere minutes before your plane leaves. If you're in management, you'll stay calm, define a set of actions, and start systematically to resolve the problem. If you're not, it highly depends on your personal demeanor. You could get emotional, you could get restless, you could be sad or angry or aggressive. At worst you are not thinking straight anymore. And the chances of getting back your passport are reduced to zero and nil.

I've seen this situation occur several times with friends and family, and the difference in behaviour between those who are managers against those who are not, is staggering. And without fail, the former group is always successful, while the latter... well... let's just say they had to stay behind an extra day.

HHG: NBA Finals 2009

According to my simulation Denver and Cleveland were supposed to face each other in the Finals this year. Shows how much a simulation actually knows. But anyways we now have the LA Lakers and the Orlando Magic facing off for the 2009 NBA Finals. Here's what I think, hope, feel who's going to win.

The Head says: Los Angeles is the team with the better record, has the best player in the game (Kobe), obtained a better supporting cast (Pau Gasol, Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum), and has more experience in big game situations. Many players on the team have already seen action in last year's NBA Finals, and the Lakers would very well be a strong titlist, if they would win it. The scary thing is the Magic's superstar Dwight Howard. The man is a bloody freak under the board, even more so than Shaquille O'Neal was in his heyday. Orlando managed to parlay his strengths into two regular season victories over the Lakers. That might be the x-factor in this game. The Magic have already taken the scalps of the Cavaliers and the Celtics, and adding the Lakers' would not be a longshot. To do that Orlando needs its star player at the forefront, barring injury, foul trouble, or game bans. The rest of Orlando's roster, while solid, is unsung.

The Heart says: At this point I don't mind much either team losing. The Lakers are the team with the long history and from a fan's point of view I like them better than Orlando. There are good players on both sides of the ball (Rashard Lewis of the Magic in particular, deserves mention). If the Lakers would win it, that would be better for the rivalry with the Celtics, but then again having the Magic win their first, is a better story. Also if Dwight Howard would lift the trophy it would throw a spanner in the Kobe-LeBron debates, which is good for everyone.

The Gut says: The Magic have a very impressive game, and if they steal home court advantage early in the series, they will throw enough unrest in the Lakers' locker room to win it all. They already did that with the Cavs, and I feel they could do the same against the Lakers. However the Lakers have been here too many times before to let that happen. In fact, their tough schedule so far (series wins against Houston and Denver) may actually help them. Kobe's crew is battle-tested and ready for the challenge.

Lakers in seven.

HHG: Stanley Cup Finals 2009

Considering the result of my last HHG, maybe I should structure my predictions better. Then this final comes along. I thought I already handled this last year.

Anyway this year's Stanley Cup Final is between the Penguins of Pittsburgh and the Red Wings of Detroit. Just like last year.  

The Head says: I don't actually think a lot has changed in either team. Marian Hossa switched sides, and Pittsburgh added some veterans in Bill Guerin, Miroslav Satan and Ruslan Fedotenko. Other than that, nothing of note has changed. Detroit is still the Central Division champion, and a top seed in the West. Pittsburgh struggled more, had a change of coach, but had a great run to reach the postseason and now the Finals. En route, I can't help but mention him, Sidney took the showdown against Alexander Ovechkin in his favour. 

Overall Detroit has been solid, while Pittsburgh had the more impressive performances. 

The Head says Detroit.

The Heart says: like last year, gotta go with my namesake. I still have no love for the Red Wings. They need to do a little more to accomplish that. Show me you're worthy of my sympathies. 

The Heart says Pittsburgh.

The Gut says: With little to no change in conditions opposed to last year, I'm inclined to feel the same as last year. Pittsburgh hasn't made such dramatic leaps and bounds, that it has scared the Red Wings. Detroit has not regressed. So, however it pains me to say it, Detroit wins it this year as well... gut feeling. 

It will be six games though.

HHG: Champions League Final 2009

Manchester United vs. FC Barcelona

The Heart says: Obviously Manchester United. Can't let go of your first love, can you...  I mean, Barca is a sympathetic team, but it's not like you cried when Koeman fired home one against Sampdoria, or when the Spaniards beat Arsenal. 

The Head says: This one's a little more difficult. Stars? Both teams have them in bunches. Leadership? Strong on both fronts. Tactics? It's the youth of Guardiola against the solid teachings of Sir Alex. It's about equal. Goal scoring? Again not too shabby on both fronts. Defending and goal keeping? I'm leaning to Man U, what with Vidic and Ferdinand and Van der Sar keeping their ends clean. Barcelona has been more spectacular throughout the season, but seems to be struggle when the going gets really tough.

The Gut says: Manchester United is poised to become the first team to successfully defend the Champions League trophy. I feel they will actually accomplish that. Otherwise what good does it do to have three Premiership teams in the final four, and not have one win it?

Something you want to tell me?

Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster DVD

Sold for EUR 6.66

Is this a sign?

(That I should get a twitter account, because blogging doesn't cut it here...)

Feelings. Women. Deal.

You can't tell people how to feel, outside of hypnosis. You cannot say to a girl who got mugged not to be scared. You cannot tell a lady who broke up her relationship not to feel heartbroken. And you certainly cannot tell a woman who has just found a long lost friend, not to feel emotional.

Mistaken identities

It looks like nowadays we are more keen to get our message out, regardless of the facts. If that means we put the wrong man on trial, show an innocent person on television, so be it. We already made normal, indistinctive men potential killers of the royal family, robbers of ATMs and thieves. 

Why is this? Are we getting more restless? Impatient? Are we so used to getting our way quickly and efficiently that we forget to do even rudimentary fact-checking? This is exactly why people go to college and university: you learn that everything you state is augmented by arguments and references. And those references cannot simply be Wikipedia, but good, thorough research.

If we don't do this, we are left at the mercy of the media. You could be mistaken for the next enemy of the state. Your face could suddenly appear on television because someone who looks like you did something quite embarrassing, like tossing chairs off an overpass or shooting up a school. And probably it will not stop there. Next time it is you.

You just know Twitter will be all over this

Once you hear news like this developing, the first five to ten minutes are exciting. Then you realize nobody can tell you more than you already know about what you see and hear already. Couple this to the fact that people are absolutely stunned, and you're better off going away and coming back to the news some hours later. 

But you just absolutely know that people with Twitter accounts will be all over this.

Does that work?

Hmm... does that really work? Mouth caps against swine flu? 

Damn, I was just getting adjusted to the state of the economy, and now they come up with yet another way to influence the way we dress on the street.

Now, if they also stop stuff like handshaking, hugging, kissing we can pretty much move all our interactions to Facebook anyway. Then the only virus we need to be afraid of, is Conflicker.

Degrees of separation

According to my latest information, I am just three degrees removed from: 

• the president of the United States
  
• Bill Gates
• HRH Prince van Oranje

...or at least three degrees removed from the caretaker whom these people told to make their entries in the various networking sites...

Deauthorization Blues

I'm one of those people who jumped at the opportunity to get all the deauthorization software I can get. I mean, if you have Spore and Sims 2 and Red Alert 3 that installation limit is a huge inconvenience if you keep buying new equipment for your rig. 

However, how am I going to deauthorize a game's installation if THE ENTIRE HARD DISK WHICH THE GAME IS ON, IS INACCESSIBLE BY THE OS?! Can't run it, if I can't even get Vista to run, do I?

So not only does EA demand 50 bucks for the bloody privilege of playing their title... a handful of times. You can't ever upgrade the computer, which according to EA shouldn't be necessary for most people... right... 

EA fallaciously gives people the opportunity to regain these privileges with a small tool, which assumes you actually have the chance to run it in the first place. This doesn't help if your computer craps out on you. Just about the only reason to legitimately reinstall a piece of software, and EA gives you a feather duster to open a bottle of wine.

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.

Something impractical

I understand why major motor racing competitions want to have night races on their schedule. It makes for beautiful pictures, adds to the uniqueness of the circuit and the venue itself, and generally brings a lot of headlines to the front page.

But as the MotoGP race of Qatar has proven, these races are hideously impractical. First they take place late at night, so you can't really move up the race one or two hours. Also you can't really move the race up to the Monday, since people have to go to work. Fans will want their money back.

To a lesser extent the start of the Formula One race in Malaysia was moved up to late in the afternoon to accommodate television channels in Europe, who could then show the race live at a more convenient time. The weather forecast however showed rain, and predictably the race was halted not even midway through. Because of the late hour, it was not possible to move up the remainder of the race. 

I'm quite sure, especially with all the economic difficulties even the premier race teams are experiencing, that these race postponements completely negate all the regulations the competitions have made to make them economically and financially viable.

Adaptability

I've always taken great pride in being able to relate to a great number of people on an individual level. Not just relate actually... also adapt to someone's personality. It does make me very easy to approach, but also very hard to understand. See, you can't really know how my demeanor is going to turn out. Some basic mannerisms will be the same, but beyond that it's going to be a crapshoot. How I will act around a person, or a group, depends on the social context, the relationships, the hierarchy, the topic, the time of day, my mood, whether or not Ajax won last weekend... the list goes on and on.

So in a sense, adaptable behaviour is not the best desirable trait. Could be good for actors, profilers, mentalists and hustlers; but for someone in a seat of power or reponsibility it may not work out as well.

The Appeal of Japanese Schoolgirls

Can someone please explain to me the logic behind the lyrics of Japanese pop songs? Walk into any karaoke bar, order a Japanese video CD, and marvel in the total ridiculousness of the songs unfolding in front of you. 

If you're lucky you might see some translation running at the bottom of your screen, but seriously you can't take those words very seriously. Honestly you'd think the translation office had a fresh delivery of weed coming in when they were recording this song. I mean: girls are singing about their boyfriends, but also about their desire to make their homework? And are comparing their houses with a penguin in the local zoo? The logic is all over the place. No, actually it's completely lost. 

I guess the saving grace of these video clips are the Japanese schoolgirls, who are smiling all over the screen MTV-style. That almost takes away your attention from the song. Catholic schoolgirls have got nothing on a tough girl from Tokyo.  

Typical behaviours

• We expect flexibility when it suits us.
• Escalation is based on the premise that people respond to their bosses; if that's not the case, it's about as useful as pissing into the wind.
• People usually refrain from estimating a job accurately, not because they cannot predict the future, but because they don't want to give others a stick to hit them with.
  

Ten things you probably didn't know about me

• I still watch old cartoons from the 1980s. And each time I do, I wonder why.
• I don't swim in open water. I don't have a swimming diploma, and have not learned anything beyond a butterfly stroke.
• My hidden ambition is to be able to order food in at least ten languages. Right now I'm up to eight.
• I know Feng Shui.
• I have a better than average feeling for rhythm, which helps me lots in ballroom, latin and salsa.
• I never ask a person's heritage from the get-go. This forces me to judge a person based on my interaction with him, rather than his race.
• I'm a great fan of long showers.
• I'm a slow eater.
• I'm an uber-consumer and a shopaholic lite. I know my brands and am very brand loyal. I hate it when the stuff I want or need isn't sold.
• I would enjoy to make it to a level of obnoxiousness that wherever I come into a room, The Rock's entrance theme plays.
  

What if there was a bomb scare in the Arena

• It would be the cheapest IKEA commercial of all time
• "The Killers" would be the worst act to play a concert at that moment
  
• Someone really doesn't agree with Marco van Basten
• The way the news kept repeating that shops were targets, makes me think the economic downturn really didn't kill off enough businesses on its own
• It would be the cheapest IKEA commercial of all time
  

Just ask dad

In this economy companies are throwing their arms up in the air and waving the white flag. Some start panicking, others start deliberating what to do until the whole thing blows over. A few companies are legitimately in trouble and have to take drastic measures, such as closing shop or firing half the workforce. Others are busy pushing their failed leadership out the door with hefty sums of money.

All companies are looking for someone to bail them out. The government seems to have to step in, as a father figure who helps out a child. It assumes the father has money to give in the first place, and luckily our government is able to do that.

At first you are just happy you've been helped out of hot water, but at some point in the future - again, when the whole thing has blown over - you have to wonder where the money came from. Or worse still, what the fine print was.

I'm still expecting that my taxes are going to double sometime next year. If not next year, then at least by 2012 we're going to have hyperinflation or something similar. By then all your savings just becomes imaginary.

Hopefully dad will still be around to lend a hand.

Silly marketeers

Twist it...

Lick it...

Dip it...

There are so many double entendres in there, you can start your own orchestra.

That's... kind of new.

Ever had the feeling where you were just minding your own business, your mind switches to screensaver mode for a minute, and then you're slap bang in the middle of a freakin' warzone? Like a Memento-like moment. Except without the memory loss.

Bored

People have to be bored out of their minds. I really cannot understand otherwise why people would go the trouble of:

• messing up a bus driver
• attacking an ambulance worker
• tossing a brick from a highway overpass
• making threats against middle schools
• sending envelopes filled with a white powder to the office

I mean, hasn't everybody got a Wii by now? Has the credit crisis really put people at home, suffering intense boredom? Are people that desperate that when their livelihood ends, they start doing insane stuff? What good does that accomplish?

How to deal with the hidden agenda

Everybody has to protect their own interests. Sometimes people are very open about it, and will run all over you to do so. But maybe more vicious is the other type of person, the ones who have a hidden agenda.

People will look for the best way to achieve their objectives, and if that takes smoke and mirrors, so be it. Of course, you could be very evil about it, purposely misleading others to get what you want. Or you could just be all like "I don't voluntueer information, if there's no need to".

You'd have to accept that people have an agenda, and not be surprised by it. The key is to adapt to such a situation, or to have such a strong negotiation position, that it doesn't matter. Either way you have to be very zen.

The HHG: Super Bowl XLIII

Heart: Well, look. I'm giving props to Kurt Warner, who's basically been the feel good story of the year, and in fact for his entire career in the NFL. The ultimate good guy, as well as THE player of the league when I started following football more closely. I'd love to see him winning another one.

Same goes for Larry Fitzgerald. If he's willing to renegotiate his contract to get his friend Anquan B. to stay with the team, he must be the most selfless player in the league. I wouldn't jump on his bandwagon yet, as other receivers are still more powerful, have more flair, etc. But he's the main dish on the Cardinals menu.

All in all, I feel that good guys should win this time around. Not to say that the Steelers aren't good guys, but in this case, the nod goes to the Cards.

Head: I really can't see that the Pittsburgh defense won't smash their way through the Arizona offensive line. And when that happens, the Cards are in trouble. When Philadelphia did that in the NFC Championship Game, Warner couldn't complete a single pass for a first down. Past that, Troy Polamalu seriously scares me. He is the ideal security blanket for a cover defense.

Defensively the Steelers can really shut down Arizona. The only thing that could possibly be Pittsburgh's downfall is if Fitzgerald jumps higher than the Steelers' secondary.

Gut: I'm feeling Pittsburgh. I'm liking the Cards. I know what happened last year between the Giants and the 'undefeated' Patriots, but that was a team with a lot of momentum, against a team with very little. This time around, I feel momentum is more or less equal, so I should simply go with the objectively better team.

So Pittsburgh will win it... probably.

Why Assumptions Are The Mother...

Picture this... you get posed a question, which requires you to answer quite quickly, but to which you lack full information to answer wholly. You'll have to make some assumptions to frame an answer.

Would you frame your answer as favorable as possible to the asking party by making the assumptions as favorable as possible? That pretty much constitutes lying, doesn't it? Or at the very least a delusion. The thing about assumptions is, that saying you assume something, doesn't make it so.

Assumption is the mother of all fuckups

What you need in consulting

It does take a special kind of person with a certain mentality to survive in consulting. It requires a person with the ability to work in ambiguous environments, who is professional, who has an understanding of organizing one's activities in effective and efficient ways, and the courage to make increasingly tougher decisions.

I'm sure my employer holds these characteristics true, but I do realize there are some small additions, which make my colleagues very different from others in consulting. And even when you're looking at my specific department, even the people there have a set of traits slightly different from the rest.

I'm quite sure consulting life is not cut out for everyone, and even some true-blooded consultants are not cut out for life at my employer. You need to be resilient, be able to voice your opinions, be flexible. The prevailing mentality is that giving up is not an option. Entrepreneurship is highly valued, as long as you have a good sales pitch. On the other hand hierarchy is held to strongly, and anything that threatens that hierarchy is frowned upon.

The benefits are obvious: an exciting environment that will give you many stories to tell on your high school reunion. The money ain't bad either. But I wouldn't just recommend Consultancy to anyone. You need to live and breathe consultancy.

In Other News...

Halfway across the world in the Middle East Israelis and Hamas are fighting again. Bombs and missles and all that shit. Global economies are in tatters, financial systems completely out of sync.

In other news however, there's boobies! And even better, the first thing people do after taking a look at the first newspaper of the year, is to call out a nationwide search.

Good thing people have got their priorities straight.

Everything I want to share about 2008

2008 is almost done, so that means it's time to look back, and make mention of whatever I want to share about this year.

Plusses
Health-wise I'm doing okay. I'm definitely more tired than I used to, but I'm sure that's thirty-something going for me. At least nothing's the matter more serious than taking a couple of pills.

Seeing my friends get married on a tropical island was a personal checkmark for me. The very fact I had the freedom to do so, is nothing less than a total luxury, I agree. But it earned me plenty of new stories, new acquaintances and invigorated relationships, some of which were from a long time ago.

Probably my greatest professional successes this year have all to do with recognition, acknowledgment, and gratitude. People enjoy and appreciate working with me and for me, which is more than I can hope for. It means I'm a good team mate, a good team lead, and whatever I want to have everyone around me do, makes sense. My way - which is not so much demanding, as it is making people to believe themselves that my way is best - works dividends.

Minuses
Stuff that happened this year I could have done without, included getting registered by our resident traffic authorities, getting stuff busted for no good reason, and of course having all these traders and financial institutions panicking and crashing the stock exchanges, again for no really good reason. (so you do bad business now GM... you did bad business before... don't blame credit crunches for your own mistakes...)

But I think the most epic fail this year has to be the following... I always prided myself with having great perspective and insight into people around me. Yet I completely missed people's breakdowns, break-ups, depressions and all that, left, right and center. Shows how much of a friend I am. The only excuse I can think of, is that I've been given leeway to take on a lot of professional responsibilities, and somehow that makes people think I'm all work and no play.

Learning points
I feel sad, but also fortunate that I can support other people during their grief. And I hope I can show as much dignity and calm when such grief arrives at my doorstep. For some reason, I didn't have (or didn't take) my chance at this before, and I feel bad about it. This feels like redemption.

I've learned that agendas are important, and putting the right points on it even more so. It is up to me to make sure that other people's agendas contain the items I find important. I've learned that asking questions, especially on record, is a very potent weapon in discussions. That means I've got to master asking the right type of questions to achieve my goals. Regarding both points, I firmly believe no person is actually unwilling to talk about a particular subject, as long as it happens on their terms (at least that's what they think), and as long as they are given ample time to think about it.

Next year
In 2009 I need a lot of resolve around the home, institutionalize my relationships, make my professional concerns important to those who should. It will help I have deferred some of my responsibilities next year. Money is less of a driver I guess this coming year. I'm more looking at experiences, good, bad, evil, beautiful and everything inbetween. Things that have to be done before the start of the fourteenth B'ak'tun...

Eat, take pictures and play cards

How to Sit in a Restaurant.

Solo, at the corner of the bar. The food's the same. You can look out over the restaurant, and your server for the evening will be the bartender, who'll be more than happy to provide you with info on all things hot waitress. If you're dining with a special someone, ask for a table in a corner away from the kitchen, and sit next to each other, not across, to up the intimacy factor, says Todd English, a chef and restaurateur. Make a 7:30 reservation. It's just before the crunch, so adrenaline will be pumping and service should be optimal.

. . . Take a Group Photo.

Standing on a balcony or chair. Shooting down makes people look up, and looking up makes people look better, says Danny Clinch, a New York City photographer. Have Phil tell the story that always makes Aunt Cheryl spit water, or ask each person to tell a joke. People will listen, relax, and forget about the camera. Shoot just before, during, and after they laugh, to capture a series of natural looks. One more trick: If they're sitting, ask them to lean toward the center of the group, and as soon as they start, click. More doing and less thinking. Wait too long and it'll be too posed.

. . . Sit On a Couch for a Group Picture.

It doesn't matter where, just lean forward. You'll have to look up, and putting your forearms on your knees will hide any gut, Clinch says. Leaning back will cause you to look down and across your chest, giving even the most ripped cover model some unsightly chin business.

. . . Sit At Your Regular Poker Game.

To the immediate left of the most aggressive player. Money moves to the left, and you want to see how he acts before you play. If that turns out to be at the head of the table, even better: You can see everyone and snag maximum legroom. Once comfortable, your goal is to isolate Captain Macho. Since he's prone to play weaker hands, you'll have your chance. Just be patient for a decent starting hand and raise three to four times his initial bet to drive the pretenders out, says Daniel Negreanu, professional poker player. It might not look great, but a 7-8 of the same suit can turn into gold after the flop. Plus it'll be hard for opponents to figure out what you're holding.

[Also check out the Men's Wisdom pages on menshealth.com]

Funny quotes from 2008

From the Funny Department:

• "BS, M.S., Ph.D: bullshit, more shit, piled higher and deeper" (stole it from Ben's mom)

From the world of epiphany:

• The more money you have, the less you actually need spend.
• There are no goals. Just be in the moment.

From the department of cheesy, but still good:

• A real friend is one who walks in, while the rest of the world walks away
• Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (Einstein)

From the department of DRM MUST DIE:

copa Oct 15th 2008 11:51AM: giving a metaphore for EA's DRM practices.

"This clearly is not a solution to piracy."

You clearly know nothing about running a business. I run a convenience store, and know a thing or two about stopping criminals.

Every time someone shoplifts beer from my store, I implement policies that make it less convenient for paying customers to buy shit from me. I require customers to show me two forms of ID, and give me their Social Security number before they can buy stuff. Also, I have a guy who stands in the parking lot and blocks their car for five minutes before letting them leave.

Unfortunately, my store's annual revenue has actually dropped $60,000 in the year since I started implementing these policies. Also, shoplifting has increased 50%. When I caught one of these criminals, he claimed he would have paid for the beer, but he just didn't want to give me his social security number. I hope he get ass-raped in prison.

Anyway, the revenue drop at my store just illustrates how unchecked shoplifting is going to destroy my business. Obviously, the solution is to implement more draconian policies so I can eliminate shoplifting completely.

Starting tomorrow, I will gut-punch all paying customers at the point of sale. That will give the shoplifters something to think about.

The fallibility of the attractiveness grading system

You probably heard of it before. When you go out you scope the room and identify the most attractive people in the room. You order them, give them a grade, and then proceed to pick one of them up - as pretty as feasible, thus as high grade as possible. Very attractive people are scored higher, ugly ones score low.

What is usually said that happens, is that people will more or less stay within their own grade, give or take a point. If you're a 9, you can hook up with anyone up to a 9, and even 10. Likely a 9 will not date someone lower than 8. But a 6 should not realistically be successful with a 9.

The problem I have with this, is there's no objective measuring system that says "this person is a 4 and this an 8". Only one person determines how attractive a person is, and that person is you. Of course many people could share a similar opinion about how attractive someone is, but that's not enough reason to just take someone else's opinion as yours. It could very well be that one person's 6 or 7, is another person's 9 or even 10. It all depends on what you're looking for.

Ideally, and probably instinctively, people start scoping the room by doing lightning quick reviews. I'm fine with that. But when it comes to dating, will you let the overall "metacritic" score influence your move? Or do you stick to your own review?

The State of Sports in 2008

Sports in 2008 have taken a leaf out of the WWE handbook of "shock and awe" plot twists. From Giants upsetting undefeated teams, to championships pulled out from the skin of your teeth, these are the most shocking events in sports this past year. Try to beat that, WWE booking team.

• The Upset; or the Rise of the Giants: An undefeated New England Patriots team comes into Arizona to pick up the one win that will make them the most dominating team in the NFL ever. Except for some divine reason their offensive line couldn't stand up straight, their linebackers couldn't pull down a quarterback, and balls were caught with helmets. The Giants won, and became the most powerful team in the league for the rest of the year.
  
• Women of Gold: at least for the Netherlands, the Olympics would have been a bust, had it not been saved by the fine ladies in hockey, swimming, and very surprisingly water polo. Makes you wonder where all the Dutch men went. However, all of these successes were achieved in team sports. Individually the Netherlands had mediocre results, and it showed beyond a shadow of a doubt that the low countries do not have a superstar to rally behind. Thankfully the Dutch Female Athletes, tall, proud and full of team spirit, made it happen.
  
• The Superstar; or the Franchise: Usain Bolt destroyed athletics competitions for the forseeable future, for holding back on a sub-9.50 100 m dash, and boasting about it loudly in cameras and television screens world wide. The IOC, in its best Vince McMahon-impression, gave the Jamaican an official warning, which Bolt seemingly underwent with a definite indifference. Of course, he made sure that future Olympic 100 m dashes still have drawing power, because if he would have done his utmost and ran 9.48 or thereabouts, no one would ever be able to beat the record, killing the event forever.
  
• The Great Hope, and the Disappointment: For about two weeks the Netherlands thought it had a chance to win it all, and emulate what a previous generation did before: win the UEFA European Championship. Oranje made short work of the World Cup holders from Italy, beat the French soundly and were looking to walk over the dark horse Russians in the quarter final... except things didn't turn out that way, leaving Holland with another promise unfulfilled, and millions of Oranje fans dejected, after having been fooled yet again.
• The Soap Opera: Formula One always markets itself as the glamourous, jetset, top flight of automobile motorsport. But this year the circus had more twists, turns, Dusty-finishes than the WWE, which is saying a lot. They had a boss who was caught in a sex-scandal, systematically erased results to manipulate the standings, and ended up with the most dramatic finish of recent history, when Lewis Hamilton just pipped Massa for the championship in the final 500 m of the Brazilian GP. If someone was still entertaining the notion that F1 held the highest form of integrity, I seriously doubt their sanity. I mean, this very same plot line was held to the letter in WWE circa 1998-2001.
• The Kids You Hated At School: For a U.S. Ryder Cup team, which was so extremely keen on making themselves the underdog for this year's competition ("sob, sob, we're never going to win this, we don't have Tiger, boohoo, yadda yadda"), they looked much too smug after actually beating the Europeans.
• The End of An Era: Roger Federer is no longer invincible. That's a good thing. I don't care what people say about watching tennis brilliance when he is on TV. HE IS FREAKIN' BORING.
  
• Extracurricular Activities: On the other side of the net, the WTA is finally using its sex appeal to win viewers. Too bad that the women crack apart (Sharapova, Ivanovic, Jankovic etc.) once they won once. Thankfully just about every player in the top 50 has a magazine shoot ramped up to give them some income when they're nursing their injuries.
• The Curse: The Cubs still haven't won a World Series. The Red Sox now have two.
  
• The More Things Change...: NBA Finals 1987: Lakers vs. Celtics. NBA Finals 2008: Lakers vs. Celtics. So much for expansion.
• A Sign Of Armageddon: It is bad for your sport if the one individual in that sport the general media is talking about, is not a champion (More Detroit Redwings hoisting Stanley Cups. C'mon guys... share the wealth!), and not its most talented player, but is the class clown. Sean Avery, from his stick waving antics in the NHL Playoffs, to his public burns of Jack Bauer's daughter and Stacy's Mom, was generating more publicity than the league he is playing in. Yes. All 30 teams in it, including all the other players on each of the 30 team rosters.
  
  I give the NHL four more years.
  

State of video games in 2008

I got caught. I actually shelled out for a PlayStation3 and (re)joined the console owning army this past summer. Hell, you need to justify that widescreen TV anyway, right?

Truthfully only a couple of games interest me for the PS3. Metal Gear Solid 4 is one, every bit the elaborate military stealth thriller it promised to be. A truly involving story, interesting characters, and well paced action. It was the first game in a long while to actually scare the daylights out of me. Try playing the boss level against Laughing Octopus in the dark, and try not to get too spooked.

Grand Theft Auto 4 is another, which is actually a surprise to me. I thought I wouldn't like it too much, with all the hype surrounding it. But it is the best depiction of a sandbox game yet, with an environment which is so convincing as a depiction of New York, I recognized locations when I was there.

And I'm sure Gran Turismo 5 is going to be a great game, but Prologue is an ideal (if slightly contrived) way of demoing the game up front. And I'm happy to note that with just a couple of practice laps, I can get to be second fastest driver in the Netherlands.

On the PC Windows front, not a lot happened for me. The Sims continues to sell, but it is getting extremely evil with all the spinoffs, theme packs, expansions that a true Sim fan will have to buy. Getting connected with H&M and IKEA is a stroke of genius, but who in their right mind would pay $29.99 for 60 new pieces of Sims furniture?!

The two main games for the PC were Red Alert 3 and Spore. The latter used to be a shoe-in for release date acquisition, but the DRM mess really put it in the crapper. I mean, it is an interesting game, with a unique premise, but it is not good enough to warrant such a draconian measure to protect it from piracy. It's like having 15.000 dollars worth of alarm systems on a 7.000 dollar car. And each time you get into your car, you get hit in the nuts.

Which leaves Red Alert 3. Back in the old days, you only needed to equip your game with one or maybe two attractive women, and you would create a new fanboy addiction overnight. RA3 gives us seven women. SEVEN. That's a bit overkill. And you could argue if you want Jenny McCarthy on your computer screen in this day and age. But Gemma Atkinson made the best use of a white dress yet seen on any screen. The game was enjoyable too.

And the soundtracks this year... absolutely fantastic. I actually discovered new great music because of the soundtracks of these games. But just go back to my 2008 music review to see what I'm talking about.

Best I liked in music in 2008

There was only one trend this year in music worth mentioning, and that's the rebirth of the white female singer. From Amy MacDonald to Duffy to Gabriella Cilmi to Colbie Caillat and Sara Bareilles, we kept seeing more and more new, young, fresh faces coming to the fore. Most of what they put out there, is actually good, and I in my foolish mind took Coco as the next big thing (which didn't really happen). But it also showed that people didn't bother much with anything that wasn't hot, young and attractive. Or a trainwreck like Amy Winehouse. Or a lipstick lesbian like Katy Perry.

If you wanted to make big buck$$ as a singer, you need to license your music to video games and movies. Better yet, make an original soundtrack just for a game. You'll never hear your music on the mainstream pop stations, but millions of loyal fans will follow regardless. Case in point: David Hasselhoff.

One last thing. I'm having a bit of a Rihanna hangover, mixed up with a Beyonce overdose. I can do without them for a while, thank you very much.

Band du Jour: Paramore - I was temporarily inclined to name Alphabeat this year's up and coming act, but then I remembered Alphabeat is a freakin' poppy band who had far too much laughing gas for their own good. So I choose the band with the exact opposite character instead. Just listen to Misery Business and dare not agree with me.

2008 MVP: Rihanna. Basically she had more hits this year than anyone else. It will have to be, considering she's considered the hardest working woman in pop music. And she ain't shy in mixing it up either. She single-handedly saved Maroon 5's otherwise lackluster comeback, kept us and Jay-Z dry from the rain in Umbrella, and gladly rips everybody else's samples just because she can (Please don't stop the music, Live your life).
Honorable mentions: Coldplay, for not stinking the joint up. IT DOESN'T MEAN YOUS GUYS ARE OUT OF MY DOGHOUSE, but they actually succeeded not pissing me off this year. Viva La Vida is actually not a bad album.

Top mainstream singles of 2008:

1. Madcon - Beggin
   
2. Adele - Chasing Pavements
   
3. Alain Clark - Father And Friend
4. Coldplay - Violet Hill
5. The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
   
6. Sara Bareilles - Love Song
   
7. Leona Lewis - Take A Bow
   
8. Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
9. Jack McManus - Bang On The Piano
10. Duffy - Warwick Avenue
    

Top latin singles heard this year:

1. Daddy Yankee - Impacto
   
2. Wisin y Yandel - Sexy moviemento
   
3. Jorge Celedon - Vida es bonita

Most embarassing song I sang along to this year: Viva Hollandia. But hey, we beat Italy 3-0 then. So there.

Best use of a song in a commercial: The Reebok NFL commercial, Vashti Bunyan - Train Song.